#look she did some things wrong but who cares

[henrycangelbaby]

Thinking about John Price and his cute little assistant (reader) who ends up pregnant. 

A/N: Guys i was inspired while scrolling on the john price x reader tag, this legit came to me as a vision and now i have to write it (I plan on expanding on this idea so just stay with me!!!!)

Imagine being John Price's cute little assistant, just the sweetest little thing that John is kinda obsessed with. Like don't get me wrong she is amazing at her job, smart, put together and well organized and John does feel that her addition has been a positive one, taking some pressure off his shoulders and making sure his team is always prepared for whatever they are doing. She is very good at what she does, but that doesn’t stop John from admiring her. He knows he shouldn't be bit, he can't help it, she's young and sweet and a little bit innocent and he just wants to protect and love her all the time. 

In the beginning she was shy, only addressing him as sir and knocking on his door hesitantly whenever she needed to speak to him but gradually their boundaries became less and less. More often than not she works out of his office, whether he’s there or not, he insists on buying her an early lunch when she lets slip that she didn't have breakfast that morning. He has even picked her up from a night out once or twice, a little bit tipsy and calling the most trusted person she can think of that just happened to be her boss. He takes care of her as well, helping her get her makeup and clothes off before tucking her into her bed with a bottle of water and pain killers for the morning. He doesn't mention it when he sees her next, knowing how embarrassed she will be when he tells her the loneliness her tipsy self admitted. 

When she starts to get sick John is having absolutely none of it, driving her home and ordering her to take some time off (he even visits later that night to bring her some soup for her stomach). He doesn't expect her to look so sad when she comes back supposedly better from her “flu”, he doesn't expect to see her eyes shine with tears when he asks “what's wrong babygirl?”.  He sits them down on the couch in his office together, putting an arm over her and pulling her close for comfort. He certainly does not expect her to look up at him with those shiny wet eyes and admit she did something bad before crying that she's pregnant. It’s news to John who never even considered that his girl would be dating (let alone sleeping with) people. When he vocalizes this and she admits that her baby daddy isn't a very good guy, it's over for John. 

Suddenly he's all over her, promising to be there for her, that she can come to him whenever she needs. And he actually means it. Suddenly she’s staying in the spare bedroom in his house, not only does it have more room but John can keep an eye on her. She entirely moves into his office working on his desk with him, he gets her a comfy chair so she can be supported in the later months. He gets up to hold her hair back when she has morning sickness and ensures she gets enough nutritious food each day. When she starts showing, oh my god John doesn't know what to do with himself. That little bump peaking out of her tight skirts makes him foam at the mouth. Of course he prioritizes her comfort, insisting she change shoes and stop wearing those uncomfortable looking heels, but he keeps her in her formal work attire for just a little longer, just so he can see her cute tummy poking out of it. 

Speaking of her bump. He simply can't resist putting his hand on it. He feels so protective over it, best believe he goes feral if anyone tries to touch it. Hell all but breaks loose when his precious baby looks up at him with teary eyes telling him how uncomfortable she was when some rando put their hand on her stomach, (someone definitely lost their job that day). He eventually has her sitting in his lap, cooing over her and reassuring her that they won't get in trouble, that really he is the big boss anyways. He just loves having her there, perched on top of him he rests his head on her shoulder both arms coming around to cradle her now bigger bump. 

John mandates maternity leave when she starts getting big, maybe around seven months when she spends a lot of her time complaining about back aches and swollen ankles, of course he does what he can to help her but it gets to the point where he knows that she should be resting. He has to basically forcibly put her on leave, reassuring her panics about money by promising to take care of her. And oh boy does he. He gives her foot massages and holds her belly, when she starts outgrowing her clothes best believe he would hand over any of his so she can fit in them more comfortably. He's just all over her, unable to stomach the fact that soon she will have a real live baby. That baby is about to become the most protected baby in the entire world.

That's all I have for now because I fear if I begin rambling about the rest of the 141 neither of us might make it out alive. (just know this baby is going to be so damn spoiled it’s crazy). 

[kooqitas]

#pairing: cheater!jeonghan x reader ♡ smut [18+ mdni], pwp ♡ wc: ~1400 #synopsis: you always knew jeonghan was worthless, you just didn't expect to see him at a school parent meeting with his wife #warnings: cheating!!!!! rough sex, semi-public sex, degradation, breeding kink, spitting, slapping, humiliation, jeonghan is dom and y/n brat. wonwoo mentioned. unprotected sex. #warnings: ok, maybe i went a little over the moral line, but considering that i fantasize abt kpop idols having sex i don't think morals matter that much here… ★ m.list | inbox :D join my taglist

you knew you were fucked when he walked into that class.

yes, the guy you had been fucking without any strings attached almost daily for two weeks was at the school's parents reunion at that exact moment. the problem? you were the teacher and he was the father of one of your students... with a huge fucking ring on his finger and his WIFE by his side.

eunbin was so cute, as always, the girl with asian eyes loved you as her teacher, and made sure to show you how much her father and mother who loved each other so much were there, after going through a five-year wedding anniversary dinner last night.

you tried to be professional, you tried your best not to show how pissed you were about the whole situation, but honestly yoon jeonghan should go fuck himself!

it was the worst time of your life, a student's mother telling you how much her daughter loved you, and all you could think about was her husband cumming inside your cunt. god...

you don't know what the hell he came up with, but after the meeting was over, while you were gathering your things in your class, jeonghan appeared behind you.

"you told me you were single!" you asked, visible mad.

"well... maybe i hid some information..."

"fuck you!" you said, stupidly.

"look, it's just a... detail" he said.

one detail? seriously? you shameless son of a bitch- you wanted to tell jeonghan to go kill himself, but you took a deep breath, trying to be professional about the situation

"your wife wouldn't like to see this, you better let me go."

he chuckled, now leaning in as he placed a hand on your waist, holding you in place. 

“you are probably right, but who says that i care? do you care?”

“yes. i do!”

“really?” he laughed. his mouth on your ear now, his hands started moved over your body. “then why don’t you push me away?”

“you are married, jeonghan”

“so? my wife isn’t here, is she?” he placed a wet kiss on your neck, that make you gasped. “maybe you are enjoying this…”

“do you have a free relationship?” jeonghan didn’t answer, he just laughed again. “that’s so fucking wrong. if i knew that you are married, nothing will happened in that bar, and after… what that fuck, who owns the apartment where we had sex?”

“is mine. only mine!” he laughed.

“did she cheated you too? is it some type of revenge?”

“no” he shook his head. “i’m cheating cause i want you… so bad.” his hands start moving up your thighs, pushing up the hem of your dress. “stop acting like you really care for it, you aren’t pushing me away”

“eunbin… your kid…”

“i don’t care!” he kissed your neck. “she isn’t here, is she?”

“but if she discover it..”

“then she wouldn’t have to discover it, that’s the whole point, pretty!” he kissed your neck again, a lot of wet kiss when he touched your tight.

“you are disgusting!”

“and you are a whore! so we match a lot…”

jeonghan kissed you

he kissed you in a wild way, in the naughty and delicious way that you liked so much, his tongue dominating the kiss, his hand roaming your body without any shame, his waist glued to yours making you feel his cock in his jeans, fuck, jeonghan was the devil!

“i’m gonna tell everything to your wife!”

he laughed, and grabbed your hair, forcing you to look at him.

“are you threatening me with that? really? and what will you tell her? that you are letting a married man use you as he pleases?”

you hit him in the face, hard, before spitting out the words that were in your head.

"don't treat me like a slut."

jeonghan laughed, his typical sadistic laugh, lightly caressing his cheek before turning to you again.

"but as far as i know, a woman who moans, fucks and cums for a married man is a slut!"

you wanted to resist, you wanted to hit jeonghan and expose to his wife how much of a scoundrel he was, but you did the opposite, you kissed him, kissed him as if you needed it, kissed him sitting on the table and letting him have free access to between your legs.

"you're pathetic!" you muttered as he knelt down, leaving kisses on the inside of your thigh as he lifted your skirt.

"and you're a disgusting whore! you know, we deserve each other!"

"be quick, you've already given me enough trouble for today!" you complained.

"i'm leaving on a 'business trip' on tuesday, i promise i'll fuck you properly in my apartment" he mocked, making it clear that the times he slept with you were because he made up to his wife that he was working.

but he got the message, undoing his belt and pulling your panties to the side, mocking how wet you were with the whole situation.

"what's up? my little bitch got wet watching me be a good father? do you have some kind of breed kink, huh? do you want me to cum inside you, to get you pregnant?" Jjonghan put two fingers inside you, just to make sure how wet you were, and as he imagined, you were fucking wet. "imagine how beautiful you'd look pregnant of me."

"shut up, i'd rather die than have your child!"

"you say that but you're spreading your legs for me, like a slut!" jeonghan pulled your hair hard.

"i do charity work for motherfuckers sometimes"

jeonghan spat in your face, making you laugh, you knew you had affected him and that was what you wanted.

and the next second he was inside you, fucking you as if your office door wasn't unlocked, fucking you as if his wife wasn't waiting meters away in the parking lot, fucking you as if he were a single man...

jeonghan threw your bag on the floor, laying you down on the table and fucking you even harder, holding your mouth so you wouldn't moan loudly and draw even more attention (as if the table shaking wasn't enough)

"sluts like you are only good for this, full pussy and covered mouth!"

"what's the name of that friend of yours?" you questioned, making jeonghan arch his eyebrow in confusion "ah, jeon wonwoo..."

"what's wrong with wonwoo?"

"i'm sure he'd love to help you keep my mouth quiet!"

"slut!" jeonghan growled before thrusting into you again, this time angrily, squeezing your neck and grabbing your waist. "you're mine, only mine, this pussy is my toy!"

"no, love! a slut's pussy has no owner... and you know it!"

jeonghan's eyes darkened, you had never seen him hate him, but that was exactly what he was feeling at that moment, jeonghan tightened his grip on your neck, leaning his body against yours and thrusting into you even harder.

"you're not even crazy enough to fuck with Wonwoo, i'll end his life," he growled once more.

"i'm not yours, jeonghanie," you teased him.

"you're. mine. only mine. my personal whore. my toy. my bitch. mine. mine. mine."

and you cummed.

yes, you admit it, it's pathetic to come with a married guy calling you 'mine', but you came.

"tell me you're not mine now, damn it! tell me you're not mine after you've come on my dick!"

jeonghan kept thrusting into you, but all you did was seriously tell him to stop.

he respected you, still confused by the situation.

"what's wrong? did i do something wrong? is everything okay? did i hurt you?"

"i came!" you answered simply.

"yes, i never let you not come..." you laughed, leaving him even more confused.

and then you stood up, still staggering a little, but lowering your skirt and panties, and picking up your bag from the floor.

"what are y-"

"your time with that whore here is over, jeonghan... by the way, tell wonwoo that i changed my mind and now i really want to sit on his cock."

"he... he... WHAT?"

"shit, i thought he told you that at that party at his house he tried to fuck me while you were sleeping." you laughed, knowing that you wouldn't be the only one to find out things that night. "good night, by the way... your wife pays me not to lower eunbin's grades... but i don't think she's gonna tell you about that, right... i'd have to explain to you what other secrets i keep."

and then you closed the door, leaving a confused Jeonghan.

and hard.

♡ @highvivvy, @bath1lda, @unlikelysublimekryptonite, @gyuguys, @aaa-sia

[rikiislvr]

✧ moonstruck - nishimura riki

pairing: nishimura riki x afab!reader

summary: you two haven’t spoke since senior year graduation, and didn’t end on the best terms.. until he spots you at the place he least expected

you swore yourself up and down you would NEVER speak to nishimura riki again.

before, you two were the bestest of friends, you could say you even managed to catch feelings for him in some way. he treated you with nothing but respect and love.

he offered everything you’ve ever wanted, even homework.

you’ve known him since freshman year, he was the first person you’d turn too whenever you needed ANYONE.

and that was what led you to ask him out, he said yes, and it felt like the best thing you could ever imagine.

but it wasn’t.

the day of your first date, you were told to meet him at a pretty empty park with tall flowers and lots of trees, you wore a pretty white flowing dress with your hair into pigtails,

you made your way to the spot that you were supposed to meet him at, and your heart has never dropped faster before,

there he was, but he wasn’t alone. he was with his.. ex?

she looked up at him, tears in his eyes, niki slowly cupped her face and pressed his lips onto hers, and that was what broke you.

you didn’t understand. why would he say yes to you if he didn’t have things settled with his ex yet. you knew of her, he would always tell you that he was over her thanks your help.

but it sure didn’t look like he was over at right now.

you covered your mouth to hide any noises, and failed miserably, niki’s head snapped back your way, his eyes softening,

“yn-“ he tried but you had already ran off and back home.

graduation came, you didn’t say a word to him, for some reason your heart ached everytime you even looked over at him, as soon as graduation was over, you said your byes to your friends before rushing to the front of the school where your parents awaited in the car.

before niki could find you and speak to you.

you didn’t care about closure, or.. that’s what you thought.

which leads to now. it’s been two year since you’ve heard from him, and let’s say you were doing too well.

your mind was constantly filled with him, every second of the day for two full years.

“i wonder what he’s doing now.” or, “does he have a girlfriend?” “how’s college going for him.” and so much more.

you sighed, closing your laptop, you took off your glasses and slowly got up, the sun was setting soon, you decided to go out and get some fresh air before the night arrived.

you walked to the closet of your small apartment, putting on your shoes, you wore a white flowy dress..

white.. flowy.. dress.. gosh everything reminds you of him. and that day.

you sighed, grabbing your tote bag before leaving out the door,

you made your way down the street, you didn’t have a specific place on where you wanted to go, you just had to get out your room before you actually went insane from thinking too much.

without even realizing it, you walked into a park, you smiled, liking the peaceful atmosphere, but something seemed familiar.

because it was.

you were in the park where you saw him, where you were supposed to have your first official date with him. but.. well, you know what went wrong.

you frowned to yourself and sat on a empty bench, staring at the flowers ahead of you, your mind was just full of him.

like you said, you didn’t care about the closure. but you did. you needed it, it was killing you that you didn’t ask him why he did what he did before storming out that school for the last time.

but, you were the only one who went on a walk.

niki had a grey hoodie on and sweats, airpods in and head down as he walked down the path of the, what he thought, empty park.

his thoughts were eating him alive, he was caught in such a bad situation and never had the chance to explain it to you.

he hasn’t seen you in two years, and it’s been weighing heavy on his heart.

you two were the closest ever, always hanging out after school, getting food or icecream, staying the night, you wouldn’t even notice during movie nights you’d fall asleep on his shoulder as he played with your hair.

he fell in love with you because it was hard not too with how close you guys were. and the first date was ruined before it even started.

he continued to walk, soft music playing in his ears, he finally lifted his head, looking around the peaceful park, his took a deep breath,

but his eyes suddenly stopped,

not on just anything, but on you.

he felt his heart drop, he completely froze and tensed up, you sat on the bench, your facial expression looked empty, compared to how smiley you were in highschool.

and he sighed, knowing it was his fault, he couldn’t fuck this up.

this was probably his last chance he would ever have at speaking to you, so he wiped his sweaty palms on the side of his hoodie before taking slow steps to the bench you sat at,

oh and yes, your heart dropped as well. you saw him in the corner of your eye, but refused to look over at him at all when he sat at the other end of the bench.

if anything, your eyes began to water, you thought you would never see him again after cutting communication with him completely.

you look down at your hands, what do you do in this situation?

before you could speak up, he beat you to it,

“yn…” he says low, which makes your heart ache, hearing him say your name again, you lift your head slowly, turning it to meet his gaze,

his eyes were low, they looked almost heavy, as if he wasn’t getting any sleep, and his expression was filled with concern and worry.

“niki..” you reply, your voice small, you were scared if you even spoke too loud he’d disappear. he sighed and stood up, holding his arms out.

you wanted to reject, but the way your body unconsciously got up and ran to his arms was what stopped you, you wrap your arms around him, not knowing how much you needed this hug,

you sobbed into his chest, niki’s felt his heart breaking, he wrapped his arms around you, tight but not enough to cause you discomfort.

knowing you were crying because of him, made him feel horrible.

“i’ve missed you so much.. i never thought id see you again.” he mumbled in your hair, which was what made you lift your head to look up at him.

you had tears streaming down your cheeks, your nose slightly red from sniffing, “why’d you do it..” you whispered, niki sighed and sucked in his lips,

“i don’t know. she was crying to me about some.. personal family problems.. she asked for just one kiss and of course.. i did it.” he groaned and ran his fingers through his hair,

you didn’t reply, i just looked up at him still, “i’m so sorry yn. im such a idiot for doing that.. i haven’t stoped thinking about you ever since.” he frowned,

you’ve never saw him frown before, and let’s just say, you didn’t like it.

“if i could go back in time and rewind the whole process, id do so with no hesitation.” he cups your face, “i broke your heart. which is what broke mine. i am so sorry..” he whispered,

you felt your eyes water again, you didn’t like the reasoning on why he kissed her, but you couldn’t stay mad at him since it happened years ago,

you melt into his hands, before slowly replying, “i forgive you.”

and niki could burst into flames just from that, he felt his heart connecting back together, “w-what..” he says, lower than a whisper.

“i forgive you niki. i can’t stay mad at you forever can i?” you smiled softly, niki didn’t reply, instead he pulled you back into his embrace, tears pricking in his eyes.

you hugged him back, you’ve been craving this for so long, you wouldn’t let it up so easily.

“please. give me another chance. i promise you i won’t disappoint you again.” he whispered into your hair.

and you couldn’t say no. you slowly nod in return and his grip on your tightened softly. both of you back to where you both belonged.

in each others arms, comforting each other. he was once your best best friend, and he still was. you were willing to forgive AND forget,

just one more try.. the universe brought you two back together for a reason, right?

a/n: i am so sorry for the lack of posts lately! so here’s a big fat drabble i made in two days for you all! hopefully you enjoy, and i am glad to say i amm backkk! <3

taglist : @certified-ni-ki-lover @noblub-4ulolz @yourmyst4r @vixialuvs @ni-ki-ismyluv @judeduartewannabe @soobs-things @en-chantedtomeetyou @definitelynotherr @heyniki @wntersm @geniejunn @pkjay @baevsxii @k1ttylvr @geniejunn @pkjay @chaevibes @jiyeons-closet

[sunfyrisms]

it’s genuinely so sad seeing some people blaming vi for cait leaving her, because it’s exactly what people did with the whole powder situation.

vi was a child when she saw the brutal, horrific end of her brothers and fathers. she was a child, she was hurt, physically and mentally, she lashed out at powder. it is clearly a mistake that she regretted. she looked at her bloodied fist in horror, started crying when she looks at powder, and she left to collect herself. because she was the only one powder has left, and powder was the only one she has left. vander’s last words to her were instructing her to take care of powder. she needed a moment, just a moment, to grieve. but the moment she saw powder is in danger? she immediately got up. she was ready for another fight. she was ready to protect her sister, without hesitation, even after fighting and losing the rest of their family before her very eyes.

i think a lot of people take jinx’s words as an immediate, inherit truth. “you created jinx.” perhaps it’s because jinx herself is the one who said it. but i don’t think vi did that. vi was in prison, as a child, surrounded by violence. constantly beaten, constantly hungry, but she never once forgot about powder. not a day, not an hour, went by that she didn’t think about her little sister. the first thing she does upon getting out of prison is immediately try to find powder. powder may have been traumatized by that fateful night, rightfully so, vi was too, but i don’t think vi created jinx. silco was the one who created jinx. he manipulated her, worsened her mental state, the whole nine yards. i’m not here to discuss whether he loved her because that’s ultimately not what this post is about. what i’m saying is that vi didn’t create jinx, but she blames herself for it anyway. she blames herself for abandoning powder, for not being able to protect her, for her roughness.

it’s so painstakingly obvious she isn’t willing to do that again. she isn’t willing to hurt those she loves. as a result, she’s so soft, so gentle, with caitlyn. she wipes away her tears, holds her, and genuinely sympathizes with her loss. she is able to be there for caitlyn because she has lost people time and time again. she joins caitlyn’s elite force to compensate for her actions (because, again, she openly states she believes she created the monster that is jinx). she becomes the thing she hated most to attempt to right her wrongs, but she still has her morals, she’s growing increasingly uncomfortable with caitlyn’s increasingly violent and cold deposition.

vi is scared of what caitlyn is becoming. she is openly scared of caitlyn, of how unrecognizable her rage and grief is making her. she doesn’t call out caitlyn’s rapidly growing hatred and dehumanization of her own people, not at first. but she’s scared. she’s scared what’s happening to the woman who was shown the reality of what her people face, what’s happening to the woman who genuinely wanted to make a difference, the woman who is ultimately kind as she is naive, the woman who gave away her only means of protection to save vi.

after their battle against jinx and sevika, she voices her concerns. she openly asks caitlyn what’s wrong with her. when she says caitlyn is acting like jinx, she isn’t being cruel. she’s trying to bring caitlyn back to reality. she’s saying “you’re losing yourself and it’s scaring me”. she grabs caitlyn’s arm, but, remembering that she hurt powder, what resulted from that, she immediately loosens her grip, positions her hand so she’s gently holding caitlyn’s wrist. she’s not willing to hurt caitlyn. she wants a productive conversation, she wants to understand, she wants to communicate, she wants caitlyn to understand that she’s becoming something dangerous, and she will do something she will regret.

caitlyn is triggered by vi’s words. she likely, at least subconsciously, resents and blames vi for her mother’s death. vi pleaded with caitlyn not to kill jinx, and caitlyn hesitated, and that resulted in the death of her mother. to be clear, i don’t blame vi for cassandra’s death, because she legitimately had nothing to do with it. but i think caitlyn blames her. she blames her for stopping her a second time, and takes vi’s statement as a direct comparison to her and her mother’s killer. on a surface level, it might have been, but i think it was a warning. it was a warning to caitlyn that her grief and rage were blinding her and she was betraying the morals she held so closely in season one. she’s actively becoming unrecognizable to vi like how jinx is unrecognizable to her, and she doesn’t want that. she doesn’t want caitlyn to lose herself.

in the end, that softness, it doesn’t matter. it doesn’t matter that she tried so hard to go about it differently, to be gentle rather than strong. because caitlyn strikes her in the same place she healed her wounds. caitlyn strikes her with her weapon, looks at her with such obvious contempt and disdain, just like the enforcers she’s encountered her entire life, and vi knows she’s lost her, just like she’s lost everyone. caitlyn is unrecognizable, blinded by her hatred, and vi is alone. she’s left alone after the woman who promised to not change changes so deeply and so badly.

i think that’s the tragedy of vi. she learns from her mistakes, she tries to be gentle, she carries the grief of everyone she loves, and she loves very deeply. however, she can’t save people who don’t want to be saved. she can’t stop people she loves from becoming their worst selves.

[girlwithadragonheart]

I need to yap desperately about one single gripe I have with this game. MAJOR MAJOR MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD read at your own discretion

The first half is me ranting about how much certain things mean to me and how impacted I was, and the actual gripe comes closer to the end.

I'll preface this by saying this post is about Varric's death and my rage and despair regarding it, but more so about my Rook's.

I've seen people who said they picked up on the hints about whatnot, who knew before the Fade Prison. I was not one of those people. I was so relieved when I saw him after the Prologue that I didn't think twice, because I knew that it would destroy me the second shit started going wrong.

I was already not having a good time when I started the game simply because Varric was getting older. I don't handle aging well or death, and his design showing his age, and the comments he would make about "getting too old for this" just made my heart break.

And then shit got worse. I sobbed disgustingly when that knife went into Varric's chest.

After Rook woke up from talking to Solas and she heard Varric, I was so gods damned relieved. And my Rook was better taken care of by Varric in that year she spent with him than she was in the rest of her entire life.

I cried from the end of Ghilan'nain's fight until the romance scene and on and off after that. I got so used to visiting Varric just to be comforted by his presence. Inquisition was the biggest part of my life for a year and a half when I was just a kid.

I did really bad middle school age writing for it but regardless of the quality, those characters were built up in my head becoming even more than they were in the game. Varric was my biggest support character through everything I was going through at the time.

I don't talk about it much, but I didn't have a great childhood, and I know a lot of people didn't, but I coped with it through writing and video games. Varric was the one supporting me through the abuse I suffered and writing was the way I processed how bad things really were.

When Rook was in the prison she said "What am I going to find here?" And Varric said "I think you already know, kid." I DIDN'T until he said that. The second he said that my entire chest tightened and I just said "No" out loud as I watched Rook find his body.

Now for my real complaint!!!

Rook never gets the chance to grieve Varric. They go from talking to him every day to finding out he's dead and it was all a lie. I have personally never been more fucking pissed at Solas than I am now. But Rook comes back and they have that kind of "closing off" scene with Varric's empty bed (which was so hard to go through btw). And then they fuck their pookie LIKE I CANNOT BE THE ONLY ONE UPSET ABT THAT

FYM I gotta find out my dad is dead and then Rook is up for boning like there's no fucking way unless it's to cope. And at least pertaining to the Lucanis romance, Rook is processing everything that happened and they can say "So much has happened, I just don't know how to feel."

And rather than getting to process that in some kind of way, the devs said nah this scene serves one singular purpose, and Lucanis says "I do" and then dicks them down.

Personally, I felt very dismissed despite being overjoyed about finally having the romance scene, I couldn't even enjoy it with everything that happened prior.

Rook deserved the chance to completely break down after everything they went through. Tbh i don't know how they kept it together. Varric said "don't get all misty eyed" and i thought to myself that's way too delicate a term for what's happening here, I was fully ugly crying.

Fuck your "I had a good run" I still need you bitch.

All this to say I'm very upset, and I'm running my second playthrough and every time I look at, hear, or talk to Varric I tear up again. Wtf Bioware.

Rook should've gotten the chance to actually talk about what Solas did to them, especially in the sense that he made them believe Varric was still there. Or at least get to properly grieve the person who was their closest friend for a long time.

I have very strong feelings about this obviously

[manicpixiefelix]

head, heart, hand. {Felix Catton/Reader/Oliver Quick}

Part 26.

Summary: In which you and Venetia finally discuss the thing you've been avoiding all Summer since Oliver arrived. You finally get the truth from her, and wish you hadn't. Still, you finally offer the truth to Felix.

{ masterpost }

Need to Know: They/Them. Explicitly NB Reader. FWB!Reader/Felix. Reader is from a well off family but has pretty much been adopted by the Cattons.

A/N: 3101 words. where have i been? don't worry about it. where have you been? anyways i hope you want some drama to sink your teeth into. went into a much different direction than the chapter outline i had for it. unedited, but would love to hear from you guys as i'm getting back into it!

TAGLIST IN COMMENTS!! // TAGLIST ALWAYS OPEN ! (just message or comment to be added)

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Things have been quiet since Farleigh left. Was sent away. Whispered gossip and speculation between the Catton siblings and Oliver that you feel too strange to indulge in, and an ache in your chest that you feel like you're not allowed to talk about. For all his disappointment regarding Farleigh's betrayal of the family, Felix knows your own hurt runs far deeper than you will ever let on. Yes, the two of you fought often, and in time you all knew he'd be back, but this conflict had made your bond especially fragile, and in his absence you feared it may never again be what it once was.

And Oliver seems to pick up on it too.

"Are you going to prune all of his flowers too?" Oliver asks, sounding so casual, but his words catch you by surprise, and your expression drops as you turn to him. It's late, in the study together, and he's got one of your botany books open in his lap.

"Whose flowers?" You know who he means, but hate the very thought. You hope you'd misheard. You hope you're wrong, but you're not.

"Farleigh's."

"What makes you think that?" You ask, turning back to the textbook in front of you, laying open on the desk.

"I just mean... well after trying to go under the Catton's noses like he did," Oliver shrugs, like he can't see your growing upset at the reminder, can't see how your face has fallen. This Summer night feels so cold; many have since Farleigh had left.

"No," you tell him faintly, turning to the next page of your book, heart beating uncomfortably in your chest, "he's still family."

"Oh," Oliver doesn't say much more about it after that, nor does he stay all that long either.

"Zinnias," you murmur, face still turned to your book, when he goes to retire for the night. Oliver gives pause, and you tell him, "Farleigh's flowers are the zinnias; they look a bit like a sunset." Oliver doesn't have much of a response, other than telling you goodnight, but you weren't sure what you had been expecting otherwise.

He's somehow even quieter than usual in the wake of the scandal, but he clings to you and Felix now more than he doesn't, and you find yourself clinging to him too. He's been good enough to not bring up Farleigh's departure around you either, though he has taken Farleigh's usual seat beside you at the table. Honestly, you don't really mind; you'd rather that than the emptiness continue to remind you. Surprisingly it's Venetia who seems to have grown wary of him.

"You and Feef must be pleased," she languishes, her back against you in the bath next to her own room, perfumed steam turning golden in the candlelight, "mummy and daddy both like this one."

"Please don't talk about Ollie like that," you sighed, chin on her shoulder, arms wrapped around her, holding her close.

"Daddy called him 'an intriguing, well-read, young man' the other day," Venetia continues as if she hadn't heard you at all, "and mummy called him charming and thoughtful, and much better than 'the last one'," she offers candidly, "she just liked that he liked my brother, I don't think she ever really cared for Eddie himself much," she leans back a little against you, and turns just enough that you can see her smirk at the corner of her lips, "you didn't either, did you? Even before everything happened between me and him?"

Lowering your face, you pressed your lips to her shoulder firmly, taking a moment to compose your thoughts before diplomatically telling her that Eddie didn't matter anymore. It does you no good to ask her why she's bringing this up now, but you still ask. As expected, Venetia ignores the question.

"Where did Eddie go after he was cast out? Rude, by the way," she adds, "he was fun," her tone is so jarringly light, though you know part of it is just to get a rise out of you. You don't take the bait.

"That was your mother's decision, not mine," you offer flatly.

"Did you have him killed?" Venetia's glee at the very idea was downright malicious, playing at sounding scandalised. You don't even want to humour her with a real response, just giving a flat, side-eye, "oh, don't give me that look, I'm sure your parents have plenty of people killed all the time."

"They don't -"

"Or they're just not telling you about it," she shrugs, pondering for a moment, "I think our family could get away with murder given the right circumstances, you know? But I could definitely see Pearl having critics murdered for negative reviews on a whim all the time," at her mention of your mother, your face scrunches up. Unfortunately she did have a point, but you hoped your parents, for all their sins, weren't actually that petty and vindictive.

"You're more my family then they are, Ven," you choose instead to say, and Venetia hummed, taking one of your hands beneath the water, lacing her fingers with yours.

"That's sweet as long as I don't think about it for more then a second," she giggled, tipping her head back against your shoulder, turning her face to yours with a mischievous smile, "but that still means you get one, and I'm asking if you and mummy had Feef's ex-boyfriend murdered and buried beneath the flowers in the fairy garden."

"If we'd had Eddie murdered - which we didn't - I wouldn't have had him used as fertiliser in the fairy garden," you tell her firmly, "my flowers deserve better than that." At that, Venetia snorted a laugh, leaning forward to grab her body wash. Sliding seamlessly to the other end of the tub, she begins to methodically wash herself, starting with her arms. There's little else to do but watch her; you don't want to encourage this conversation if you could help it, but you're not sure where to to go from here.

"He was really quite ghastly, wasn't he?" Venetia says suddenly, not even looking at you.

"What?" Your tone is immediately sharp.

"Eddie; he was awfully cruel to Felix," she elaborates casually, like she's completely unaffected by the sudden intensity of your gaze, "not outwardly," she muses, pausing in her scrubbing as she finally meets your gaze, her own thoughtful, "but, like, insidiously, beyond even cheating on him."

"With you," you remind her harshly, but there's an insistent earnestness in her expression that you really hadn't been expecting as she continues.

"With me, yes, but that's the thing," here she gives pause, as if searching for the right words, "he never talked about you or Felix," she finally says like she still can't quite believe it, "you I suppose I understand, but honestly it did always, I don't know, I suppose it irritated me how little he talked to you or even about you, even when he was around you. But it's like Felix didn't even exist either when he wasn't around him," with each word she speaks, her expression falls just a little more. This is all making you feel rather ill; you can't even bring yourself to want to try and comfort Venetia in some way as she seems so helpless and small with her thoughts fixed on the memory.

"I think I wanted to prove that not everything revolves around my brother," she admits softly, "but I suppose it would always be easy taking something he never really had." Her voice is so small when she turns her far away look upon you, "Eddie never really loved Felix, not really," it's not a question, "there was no regret about hurting him," she mutters bitterly, gaze drifting again. Venetia barks a rueful laugh, "you know he apologised to me? I know he's not dead," she admits, "he called after landing in America before I thought to block him, Summer wasn't even over, he didn't even mention Felix let alone ask if he was alright. I was fine!" She laughs angrily, and when she looks back at you, there's tears in her eyes, "but Felix was -" but it catches in her throat, and it's like she finally sees the hurt and anger in your eyes with all she's admitting to. Immediately her gaze drops, apologetic and self conscious for her self involved outburst given the circumstances; she knows she's not the victim.

Felix was shattered.

Venetia clears her throat suddenly, looking away. When she speaks, when she tells you that she knows you warned Oliver away from her, her tone is forcibly bright. But you can't speak. You don't want to be here, don't want to be around her right now. All of your suspicions about Eddie had been right in the end, and now she had to go ahead and bring up Oliver.

Venetia says your name softly, but you stand.

"I can't do this tonight, Venetia," you tell her coldly. It's a strange feeling, to hear her protest, to hear her almost beg for you to just look at her, but you can't do this tonight. After Eddie, you'd iced her out for the rest of that Summer, but she'd seemed contented; she'd won against Felix and so you were not required to keep her entertained. You'd never stood up to Venetia in any way that mattered before.

"Please," it comes out so small, so fragile sounding. Towel wrapped around yourself, you turn, expression hard as you're able to manage.

"Why?"

"So you do know he's lying," she mumbled uncomfortably, then, "I don't know," Venetia admits after a very long silence. Clutching the lip of the ornate tub, she looks almost like a child again, looking, for the first time in your memory, guilty.

"Is it just like last time? Taking something from Felix?" You accused, finally feeling that anger, that resentment beginning to burn in you, "was it better?" You hissed, "when you realised Ollie actually loves him? Or was it worse?"

"I thought if I could get him to look at me the way he looks at you, it'd prove he doesn't really love you," Venetia blurts out. Her gaze is on the floor, and you've gone entirely still. The next words she speaks are biting, full of frustration, "I hate him. I hate the way he looks at you. I don't care how he looks at Felix, everyone loves Felix."

Oh, there is was, unspoken behind her words. As long as Felix, and only Felix, had your heart, she knows she'll always have you around. If Oliver manages to steal your heart, she's afraid that you'll choose him, and she and Felix will both lose you. Her understanding of it all is childish at best; can't she sees that you're capable of so much more than that. You've never conformed to binary choices like that; doesn't she know you better?

"I'll never forgive you if you fall in love with him," she tells you as you reach the door.

"You'll learn to live with it."

With each step back to your room, that hollow feeling in your chest keeps gnawing at you from the inside out. Shielded from the world by only a towel, you feel, for the first time in a long time, you feel too exposed as you roam the halls of the Saltburn Estate. Farleigh had called you spineless, said you'd let Oliver break Felix's heart, and now he's gone. Venetia had so hated the idea of anyone else loving you that she'd tried to facilitate that heartbreak herself, and now you're leaving her behind. All this for Oliver Quick, for the idea of a boy who might love Felix the way you knows he deserves. But even so, Oliver had been party to Venetia's cruelty against you and Felix, had lied about it, had made you complicit when you'd seen through that lie.

Anything to make sure Felix was happy. That's how you justified your own, whether it be indirect or not, cruelty to those around you. But he'd hurt so much more in the long run; the writing was on the walls.

The moment you step into his room, he turns, surprised. He's on the balcony, half folded into one of the wicker chairs, reading and smoking and looking like a dream. Before you even say anything, he knows something is wrong. When he asks, you can't answer, moving almost robotically to change back into your pyjamas.

"I think I need to talk to Ollie," you mumbled without thinking when Felix takes your face in his hands. You barely see him, still stuck in your own head. He frowns, asks why, asks what's wrong, and the care in his voice brings you out of your trance-like state. Swallowing hard when you finally look him in the eyes, your resolve begins to crumble, "I want to know why he did what he did before I tell you," you admit, voice barely a whisper. Felix's expression darkens for a moment, and his hands move from your face to hold you by the shoulders. It grounds you, but the look in his eyes makes your heart ache.

"What did he do?"

"It's different from last time," you shook your head, already trying to soften the blow for what you're about to admit, "Ollie actually loves you, I don't know why he did it." Pressing your forehead to his shoulder, you can't bring yourself to look him in the eyes in this moment.

"What did he do?"

"I need to know why he did it," is all you can manage; you can feel yourself beginning to break, "I need to talk to him, I need to ask, I need to know, because that's the only fucking piece left; why?" Pulling back, away from him, you sink down onto the end of the bed, your face in your shaking hands.

"I know why she did it," you finally admit, "I wish I didn't, but I do. I hate her," comes out through your teeth, bitter and anguished all at once.

"Venetia?"

"They've been lying to you, Felix," you choke out, "been lying to your face, because they love you." All you can do is hope that it's true, "it's why she did it, she couldn't stand the thought of someone else loving me, because she thought if I loved him back, I'd choose him over you, and she wouldn't have me around anymore."

"Vee and Ollie?" Felix already sounds heartbroken when he whispers the words. Without looking at him, you nod. The awful, ugly truth, finally, "and you knew?"

"Ollie pretty much admitted it when I didn't believe his lie; he knows I trust Farleigh with my life," you breathed, finally looking up at him, apology in your eyes. Felix looks as though his world is crashing around him. Again, "since I was the one who saw Ven and Eddie together last year, not him." Felix's eyes go wide at this, stepping back, only to starts pacing, scrubbing his hands over his face.

"Why didn't you tell me you didn't believe him?" Felix huffs as he tries to process everything.

"Because I've been trying to find a way to make you believe that what happened isn't like last time."

"But it is!" Felix finally snaps, stopping dead, "I don't want to do this again," his voice cracks, and when he turns to you, there's tears in his eyes, "how can you say it's not?" It's almost pleading, desperate for any kind of hope.

"Because he loves you!"

Immediately, both of your eyes are on the door to the bathroom, holding your breath, fearing Ollie himself may have heard your outburst, may be listening in. You're fairly certain he's not, but your heart is still in your throat.

"I know he loves you, Felix," you finally breathe, hanging your head, "you know he loves you."

"Then why would he -"

"I don't know," you reiterate, desperately, "it's why I need to talk to him." In the quiet, Felix takes deep, shaking breaths, before he sits on the floor before you, legs crossed, his forehead braced against your knee.

"I don't want you to go through that again," you tell him softly, sincerely, carding your fingers through his soft, dark hair.

"We could run away," Felix whispers faintly, echoing words you'd spoken to him just a week ago, when you'd been first dealing with this whole situation and hadn't wanted to admit the truth then either, "like you suggested; get a flat in London, never go back to Oxford, never speak to any of them again," when he looks up, resting his chin on your knee, you see the sadness in his eyes despite his soft smile, "just us."

You both know it's an impossible dream, but still, you huff a soft laugh, your thumb brushing his cheek as you cradle his face tenderly.

"Okay, just us; that's all I'll ever need."

His smile grows just a little wider, leaning into your touch and this moment. But the moment, the idle dream, it has to come to an end. Felix's face falls once more.

"You love him," he sighs gently, mouth pressed into a thin line, "I love him, Y/N," he sounds so helplessly, "I wish I didn't, but I do. I love Oliver Quick, and he's going to break my fucking heart, isn't he?"

"He loves you too, Fi," you assured him gently, "that's why he lied, why..." you take a deep, guilty breath, "why I didn't tell you."

"What the could he even say to salvage this; you warned him about Venetia. The more I think about it, the more I- I- I fucking hate it. Them."

"I don't want you to talk to him," he tells you quietly, his voice calm and serious as he speaks over your protests, "I don't like that you had to do this, that you felt like you had to do this for me. Let me talk to him."

"Fi -"

"You make me happy," he tells you firmly, "everything you do makes me happy; you don't need to do this. Even if me talking to Oliver doesn't make you happy, at the very least, let me do what I can; I want to make sure you're never unhappy for my benefit. I want you to be happy too, I hope you know that."

All your protests die in your throat.

"I do, Fi."

"Then let me do this. This is my relationship too, you don't have to do all of this alone."

[zepskies]

@lamentationsofalonelypotato

The angst was so real (in the best way)! 😭

She does, she's just afraid to admit it to herself and afraid to have those feelings for someone who doesn't love her back. And it really makes you want to hit her over the head with a frying pan LOL. And thank you! That's how I intended it to be, which is even more heartbreaking 😭

It does make sense, poor thing. 😭 She's so unwilling to believe he could love her the way she wants/needs, while he's hesitating to allow himself to do it. And I'm thinking he's fighting off some self-doubt/self-worth issues as well?

I love this journey of self-discovery for her, both with her brother and past, and with her expanding powers. It's pique Hero's Journey stuff! 💚

Plus, I really think that the creature is adorable, well, besides the murder tendencies. (I guess we could also say that about Ben LMAO)

LMAO factssss. Who could say no to that adorably confused grandpa face?

The reader is killing me tbh. I know I've said this before, but writing slow burn is literally almost as bad as reading it. Don't get me wrong I LOVE slow burn, but oh my stars sometimes it's so frustrating for them to both be in so much denial lol. I shouldn't complain because I did this to myself and now it really is "oh look the consequences of my own actions" lol.

LOLL the slow burn is a killer for both of us! "The consequences of our own actions" is so deeply relatable for the writing process. 🤣🤣

Thank you so much!💗 For me there really is something wonderful about reading/seeing creative chaos in a home, and also looking at creative spaces that people have. I think that there is warmth and comfort in a home that looks lived in. It's why I don't love minimalism, because it looks cold if that makes sense lol.

Aw you're welcome! I totally agree. I love seeing that as well -- it's like getting a window into a person's mind through their living space. I don't like minimalism for that reason either!

Again, I was so on the fence about Soothsayer, but what you said about her being in "an even better position to give her advice when it comes to that man" is exactly why I decided to include her.

Honestly it was a great twist! It makes her friendship with Ben more fleshed out and her own past, and how it serves to help the reader now. Especially now that it seems she's going to help get the reader and Ben together! 😂

I know 😭 She is going to realize it soon and I am so excited about that reveal. Oh plus I do think that she does know deep down that she does love him and care about him, but she's afraid to admit it because she doesn't want to fall for someone who she believes doesn't value relationships like she does.

God I can't wait!! lol And I totally get that. She really does seem to realize how deep her feelings run for him, but she's afraid, for the reasons you said. 🥲🥲

Mayyyybbbbeeeee...😉 Honestly, as much as I love reading fics where the reader isn't a supe, there's always a little part of me that can't help but see the reader growing old and Ben staying the same, and it always breaks my heart. There really is something so intimate and romantic about being able to truly spend your life with someone else, not just your life and then they go on for another few centuries.

Ooooh yesssss. 😏 And totally agree with you there! It's too bittersweet for me when you know one of them is going to die someday and the other keeps living on, carrying the weight of their memory. It's why I had to come up with that twist in BMD loll. Thank you for noting on that! It took some head scratching and BS science (and some inspo from my love of Smallville), but I think the reasoning was convincing enough on how the reader in BMD "caught up" with his longevity of life. 😂 I also love the idea of the plants giving her healing abilities and prolonging her life through that cell regeneration. 💚💚

It's my favorite line too! That and the bundt cake 😂. But you're right, he's afraid of everything that he's feeling and after Countess, he's not sure if he should fall for someone again.

Can't forget the bundt cake!!

Oh yeah, Countess sure fucked him up. 😬 That, along with the torture and years of being treated like a god in all other respects. 🫠

Oh Ben, he'll get there. He just needs some actual love in his life, and someone stubborn enough to not only put up with his shit, but like you said, "take a chance" on him. 😉

It's always my pleasure to read your stories, hun! Giving the feedback is the least I can do. 💕

Chapter 14: Don't Be A Bundt Cake

Pairing: Soldier Boy x f!reader, Reader POV, Soldier Boy POV

Summary:  When you decided to work with Butcher and his merry band of supe hunters to take down Homelander, you never expected to be saddled with a sullen, grumpy, jerk like Soldier Boy when the job was done. The more you're around him the more you hate him, but you can't help but wonder, is he really as big a jerk as you think? Reader is a supe with plant powers. This takes place in an AU about a month after the end of The Boys Season 3, in which Butcher has let Soldier Boy continue to work with him on his team.  (I'm real bad at summaries, please forgive me!)

Tropes: Enemies to Lovers (Not in this chapter), Slow Burn, Age Difference (Reader is in her 20s), Soft Ben/ Soldier Boy, Protective Ben/Soldier Boy, Miscommunication Trope

Word Count: 13.1K

Warnings: I'm going to label this 18+ because Soldier Boy (he's a warning and everyone knows it), Swearing, Mentions of Sex, Sexual Innuendo, Talks of Death, DENIAL, Idiots in Love, Pining by the Reader (and SB, but he won't admit it) Depressing Thoughts, Mentions of sexual assault/rape (not detailed at all, really just in passing) Talks about weed, Sexist comments, Ben makes derogatory comments, Threatening Ben/Soldier Boy might be a little bit OOC.

Note: This is told from Reader's perspective. Any references to the reader is made using you or your. There is minimal use of y/n. I tried my best to proofread, but nobody's perfect. If you don’t like, don’t read, but if you do like, you’re my favorite!

Internal monologue is in italics and is in first person.

Series Masterlist

Main Masterlist

A/N: I am so sorry this one took me a bit longer. The writers block was fighting me the whole way, but we are very closely nearing the end of this series and the moment the reader and Ben stop being so stinkin' stubborn.

Reader POV

You lean your forehead against the cool window, watching the world flash by in a flurry of color. The wooded forests had vanished hours ago and all that was left were the yellowed sprawling fields of corn and grain and family farms that were laid sporadically along the interstate. Each one a little world that caught the flecks of golden sunlight as the sun began to peak above the horizon.

The bus rolled smooth and steady over the weathered pavement towards it's destination and was filled with an odd assortment of people young and old. There was man with a brightly colored parrot that had been singing "It's A Small World After All" since you left NYC, a woman with a little boy playing with an iPad and who refused to turn down the volume no matter how many times his mother asked him to, a group of teenagers a few seats up that continued to pass around a flask, and due to how far back you were sitting on the bus an uncomfortable smell emanated from the bathroom each time the door was opened.

But you didn't notice any of it.

The only thing on your mind were the events that happened almost twenty hours ago. They continued to circle your mind, playing over and over again like a perverted cassette tape making you sink further into the worn cloth covered seat at the back of the bus. The images were haunting, some new and some old, but all the more still horrible to re-live.

The song "Nights In White Satin" floating into the backseat of your family's car, the flash of unnatural light you knew was never lightning, the caskets at your parent's funeral covered in flowers that were much to pretty to lay on something so morbid, Elijah's body succumbing to the poppies that ripped him apart, the proud sneer on your brother's face when he admitted to killing your parents, Darren's broken and bloodied body strewn in pieces over the street with the creature standing over him with a dripping red maw, the ruined building that housed "Please Don't Die" reduced to nothing more than rubble, and the look on Ben's face when you turned your back on him and fled the scene.

For some reason that particular image seemed to cling on to you and refused to fade. You'd never seen him look that way, almost… helpless and a little fearful. In all the time you'd known him, Ben had never looked at you that way. Sure you'd seen him proud, angry, cocky, lustful, mischievous, but never fearful. And you were sure that it wasn't an emotion that he was used to feeling, but that begged the question… why?

Why was he looking at me like that? Why wouldn't he let me go? And what was he afraid of?

The creature curled in your lap snorts something in it's sleep, turning it’s head further into the cradle of your elbow to shut out the brilliant early morning sunlight. It was now the size of a toaster and had warranted several odd looks whenever you got off to change buses, but you didn't care.

You weren't sure about anything anymore. Everything your brother confessed to you made you feel like you were living a lie and the revelation of exactly what your powers could do- take life from plants to heal yourself, create whatever the hell it was on your lap, and speak to plants… it scared you.

You thought for so long that you knew everything about your powers, that you were in control, but now you weren't sure.

You felt different, as if something had unlocked deep down that you couldn't shut up again.

You'd felt different after you killed Elijah, but this was more alive, weaving and twisting in the pit of your stomach. You felt more connected to the earth, to the world outside the bus even though you were divided by glass and metal. You could feel the energy that thrummed through the body of the creature on your lap, bending to your will, the life force of the plants it was formed from molding with you, becoming a part of you.

You felt so different than the person you had been before Darren entered the shop, so uncertain, and there was only one place you wanted to be when you felt like this… home. You couldn't wait to run up the worn front steps of your grandmother's house and into her arms. She always knew what to say in times like this.

And you desperately needed the comfort of her embrace.

The phone in your pocket buzzes again and you flip the screen to see the ridiculous selfie Annie and you had taken on Halloween last year. The one that you'd both spent dressed up as the two brothers from your favorite paranormal tv show. It wasn't the first time she'd called. Annie had called and texted you more times than you could count over the past twenty hours but you didn't answer her. You didn’t want to.

It was the first time that you didn't want to talk to her, but talking to her meant that you'd have to re-live all of it again and you were clawing at the last shred of sanity you had left to keep it together.

The overwhelming waves of emotion kept pummeling you, dragging you deeper beneath the white surf. Each one brought the memories of what happened surging over you and were followed by everything that Darren said to you. Years of taking care of Darren and doing whatever he wished were tearing at your soul, years of giving up little things in your life to make him happy, and years of taking care of a man who you thought cared about you, but hated you enough to kill your parents and try to kill you too.

It made your skin crawl. Each time your brother told you that he loved you was an even bigger lie and now that you knew the truth and saw him for what he was, it felt like you were drowning. The darkness that ebbed just on the edge was begging you to leap into the abyss, but you were resisting the best you could.

The tears had stopped falling miles ago, but you couldn't stop the memories or the emotion that formed a cold ball in the pit of your stomach.

A sigh works it's way up and you pull your legs on the seat underneath you, jostling the creature on your lap that raises it's head for a moment to blink it's black eyes at you sleepily.

It was surprisingly docile right now, especially considering that twenty hours ago it had ripped your brother to shreds. In fact it seemed to understand how upset you were and had spent the better part of the last twenty hours rubbing it's head against your arm as if trying to bring you some comfort. It was settled on your lap, the weight of it a comfort, almost like a weighted plushy that gave you something to focus on.

"It's alright buddy." You whisper, scratching him under his chin. "We're almost home."

The phone in your jacket pocket buzzes again, but when you pull it out to turn it off, you catch a glimpse of the screen, and you hesitate. Because this time it's not Annie who's calling, it’s Ben.

The picture that flashes on the screen under the contact name "Gramps" is the picture of Mr. Fredrickson from Up. It always made you smile whenever he called you and you saw the picture because Ben did often remind you of him. He was certainly just as grumpy as Mr. Fredrickson and just as out of touch, but you thought it was cute.

Your thumb hovers over the answer button and you think about talking to him.

But what would I say?

You weren't sure what to say to him, or why you wanted to speak to him so badly, why you wanted him to be sitting here on the bus with you as you went home, and why you wanted him to hold you against his chest while you allowed yourself to break, but you did. You wanted to feel his awkward shoulder pat and his awkward version of hand holding and you wanted to hear him try to tell you to "buck up" or whatever he thought that a comforting word should be.

He's really not the best at that.

You smile to yourself at the memory of how he tried to comfort you back at the hospital, but the longer you sit there and look down at the picture on the screen the worse you feel.

Maybe that scared you more than your newfound powers, how much you were realizing that you needed him, how much you depended on him when things got too much for you to bear. The memory of him appearing as soon as you needed him back at the shop, another of him grabbing Darren and throwing him into the street as soon as Darren insulted you comes in a flash, and finally followed by the memory of Ben carrying you out of Elijah's office while you curled into his chest. You couldn't remember too much from that moment, in fact you'd thought that Ben had kissed you on top of your head, but you ascribed that to the haze of pain you'd been in from your broken arm.

What you did remember was how wonderfully warm he was after you'd been trapped in that damn freezer and how nice it felt to be in his arms. Another memory of Ben sleeping on the couch at the hospital bubbles up and you feel something in your chest begin to crack open. And you try your best to tell yourself the same thing that you always do when you feel like Ben might care more about you that he was letting on.

Ben doesn't want that. He's made it perfectly clear. He doesn't want a relationship. He's only wants one night, that's why he goes out with all those women-

You hesitate, thumb still hovering over the answer button as you do, the memory of the week you'd spent at the apartment with him flickering in the back of your mind. The week where he refused to leave you alone in the apartment, where he refused to do any jobs for Butcher, where he took care of you the best way he could, when he sat with you on the couch and made you laugh with his ridiculous movies, and the week where he hadn't had one date.

Your finger itched to answer the phone, but you couldn't, because you didn't want to feel this way about Ben, not when he'd told you countless times that you kept romanticizing him, not when he told you that he didn't want a relationship, and not when you could feel yourself beginning to fall for someone you thought was the wrong man.

For just a moment you tried to pretend that it was different, that he was different, but you didn't want to. It only made it hurt more.

The phone stops ringing, but the pit in your stomach still gapes open at you and for the first time in twenty hours you feel tears begin to fall. You didn't know why you were crying about this, why the thought of not picking up Ben's phone call seemed to hurt more than everything that had happened, but something made it hurt.

The bus driver announces over the overhead that you're reaching your final destination as he takes the exit for your hometown. The familiar buildings that line the streets are sheathed in a honeyed glow from the sun, the long shadow of the bus darkening them momentarily as it rumbles down the small streets to the bus station.

When it rumbles to a stop at the bus station you wait for everyone else to get off, trying to summon the strength to stand, and swipe the back of your hand across your face to rid yourself of the remaining tears.

The bus station was about a thirty minute walk from your grandmother's house, and you still hadn't called her. You didn't know what to say, didn't know how to tell her that Darren was dead and that he was the reason why your parents were dead.

The creature crawls up your body to drape it's warm body over the back of your neck as you stand. It wasn't bothering to hide, besides the people in your hometown already thought that you were odd because you were a supe and you'd always welcomed it. You give him a scratch on top of his head and his warm tongue flicks on the bottom of your earlobe as if thanking you before it curls further into the side of your neck, seeking warmth.

The first few steps on solid ground are shaky, but you find the strength while taking in a deep cleansing breath of the outside world, letting the gentle warmth of the sun and the tickle of the autumn breeze pull at your coat. You hadn't stopped at your apartment before coming here, instead you had stumbled your way to the bus station covered in dust, flecked in blood, and demanded the first ticket back to Illinois. It was lucky that the next bus was leaving immediately, because you didn’t want to spend another second in NYC, not when all you wanted was to be home.

Plus you were worried that someone had recorded what exactly happened outside the plant shop and you didn't want to get arrested.

It was self defense anyway. Maybe Jake would represent me in court.

The thought of Jake makes you twinge. You hadn't checked to see if he was alright before you ran from the scene. Not to mention you'd destroyed the shop he'd put all his life savings into after he stopped being a lawyer.

Oh fuck, what if he sues me? He can't exactly sue Darren…

You hear someone call your name and you open your eyes.

Your grandmother is standing in front of the same baby blue pickup truck that she'd had longer than you've been alive, wearing a long multicolored skirt and a pressed white blouse tucked elegantly into it. Her silver hair is loose and long, curling over her shoulders in gentle waves. She looks the same way she looked one week ago when she left, and you've never seen anything so beautiful in your life.

You're running before you can stop yourself, crumbling into her warm embrace, with more tears streaking down your face, but she doesn't mind.

"Shh. It's alright honey." She whispers, rubbing her hand over your back, her embrace steady and surprisingly strong. "Let's go home."

Her home is the same as it's always been. A two story Victorian house painted in a happy yellow shade, with a white wrap around porch and two white rocking chairs sitting empty on the front porch. You'd spent more nights than you could count rocking silently beside her with a crochet project in your lap listening to the rain fall and soak the world outside, while the plants sang praises with every gentle bend beneath the heavy droplets.

You could barely remember the home you spent in your early years with your parents, not when you'd spent most of your childhood spending the night here and after your parents died living here permanently. There was still a large oak tree were a wooden swing swung in the slight breeze on the left side of the yard, a gardenia bush that stretched as high as the second story on the right side of the house and brushed it's soft leaves against the sunshine colored outer walls, a garden filled with both flowering plants and herbs that perked up on both sides of the front yard as you walked up the path, and a cobblestone path that Annie and you had spent hours of your shared childhood covering in chalk art.

Neither of you were good, but when the rain would fall and smudge the clean lines, you'd jump in the puddles that pooled along the walkway singing the lyrics to ABBA's "Cassandra" not quite understanding what it meant.

Standing here outside your house made you miss Annie and feel worse about not calling or texting her back, but you didn't feel like talking about what happened and you were sure that Butcher filled her in. The only thing that you wanted was to collapse in your bedroom upstairs and curl under the comforters.

Despite everything the house was a welcome sight, but at the same time it was different. You could feel the plants calling out to you, asking for you, bending towards you just to touch your shoes as you walked by. You'd never felt so connected with them before, not even when you were in your apartment or working at the shop.  It was overwhelming.

And although a part of you was frightened by it, another part of you rejoiced in it. You didn't feel alone, didn't feel weak, and you knew that you never would ever again.

The creature nuzzled into the side of your neck with a sigh, soaking up the sun's healing rays as you walked up the front steps with your grandmother following behind you silently. She hadn't spoken since she picked you up at the bus station and you hadn't supplied anything in the ten minute car ride back to her house.

You didn't know where to start and you were still trying to process everything yourself.

The inside of her house was just as cozy and warm as it was the day you moved out. There were photos of your parents and you covering the walls (Darren's had been placed in the closet long ago), half-finished knitting projects sorted in different baskets on both the dining room table and the living room coffee table, spools of yarn were strewn over the couch sorted by color, and the fresh smell of gardenia wafted through the open windows on the breeze.

It was home. This was what you'd been missing the moment everything began to crash over you, but as you stood there in the familiar living room it felt like something was missing. Something tugged at the back of your mind, but you couldn't put your finger on it.

There was something or rather someone that should be here, but you didn't know what or who. And your mind supplied Annie, but you weren't sure that's who you meant.

"Let's have some tea." Your grandmother says from behind you and you feel her soft hands come down on your shoulders to steer you through the familiar creative chaos and into the large kitchen at the back of the house.

The kitchen isn't spared from the madness, it rarely was. There are boxes upon boxes of cookies in different stages of being packaged all over the counter, dirty bowls and a measuring cup stacked in the sink, and a large opened bag of chocolate chips spilling over the flour covered kitchen island.

It wasn't unusual to find the kitchen or the house in a state of chaos, your grandmother always said that a house should look lived in and that the mess was part of the fun of any major project as long as you were responsible enough to clean it up.

"Bake sale?" You ask as you sit down in the breakfast nook, uttering the first words that you'd said to another human being in twenty hours.

The next breath that you inhale was supposed to be cleansing, but you can still feel a weight pressing down on your chest, the same one that settled in the moment everything happened with Darren.

You contemplate again how you're going to tell her that Darren is dead and was the reason why your parents died.

Damn it Darren.

"Mhmm." She hums, filling the well used red kettle. "Annie's mother practically cornered me in the supermarket yesterday and begged me to make cookies. I love Annie, but her mother needs someone to pull that stick out of her ass. It's been up there for so long that I'm sure it's rotten."

The creature crawls down from your shoulders and down your arm to sniff at one of the chocolate chip cookies nearest you. It hadn't eaten since…

Darren.

You wince slightly at the thought and hope that you hadn't created something that needed and craved human flesh. The last thing you wanted to unleash on the world was Audry two especially in the wake of Homelander.

Truthfully you were waiting for the guilt at killing your brother to come, but it never had and you wondered if it ever would.

Probably not. He deserved that, he killed our parents, he tried to kill me, he tried to kill Ben.

The thought of Ben again makes a lump form in the back of your throat. You didn't know what was happening to you only that you felt guilty for leaving him like that, for yelling at him to let you go, and just vanishing on him when he probably thought that you were going back to the apartment.

He doesn't know where I am. Maybe that's why he tried to call, because he got back to the apartment and couldn't find me there and he was worried. You press your lips together. Yeah. Worried. Right.

"Honey?" Your grandmother says in a soothing voice

You look up from the box of chocolate chip cookies that you didn't remember picking up. Even the creature is looking at you with an expression that you can only explain as worry.

"Yeah?" Your voice shakes slightly.

She's leaning back against the counter, arms crossed over her chest, head tilted slightly to the side, her beautiful grayed hair pulled up in an elegant bun, but in her eyes you can see genuine concern. "Fuck." She sighs after a minute.

You blink in surprise. It was the first time that you'd ever heard her say that word in your entire life.

"I shouldn't have left." She breathes. "I told Ben to look out for you. I told him, that little bastard was bound to show up again and what did he do? He left you at that plant shop alone with no protection!"

You'd only seen her really angry a handful of times in your lifetime. Like you, your grandmother often had a gentle disposition and didn't get angry unless the situation called for it.

I mean, Darren admitted to killing our parents and then got fucking ripped apart. But how does she know about any of that? I haven't told her…

"How did you know that he left me there? Did Ben call you?" You ask putting down the box of cookies.

An odd expression crosses her face, as if she's contemplating something. "No." She hesitates again. "I saw it."

"No." Your grandmother hesitates. "I saw it."

"You saw it?" You repeat, confused.

What's going on?

"Too late of course, but I'm a little rusty. I was able to warn Ben that Darren was coming back. That's how he got there so quickly or rather-" She shrugs sheepishly. "He got there in time to make sure that Darren didn't get you to forgive him. Which you shouldn't have at all, but I know he's always had a talent for manipulating you."

"What?"

Is she saying what I think she's saying?

Instead of explaining further your grandmother walks out of the kitchen, leaving the kettle behind on the stove and you in a state of utter confusion.

Is she saying that she can see the future? Because that would mean that she's a supe and there's only one supe in history that I know of that can do that. A supe that no one has seen in over forty years.

You can hear her open the door to the closet under the stairs and the sound of her sifting through all the junk that the two of you had shoved in there over the years instead of finding the right place to put it.

When she comes back into the kitchen, she's holding a giant cardboard file box that you'd never paid attention to each time you opened the closet to find something. Your eyes shift from the box to her still not comprehending exactly what she was saying.

"I probably should have told you this a while ago, but…" She trails off and nods her head at the box before turning back to the kettle on the stove that has begun to scream. "I kept putting it off."

The box is old, worn at the edges, and theres a musty black fabric beneath a collection of yellowed photographs. You pull out the one on top to examine it.

Ben is standing there in his full Soldier Boy regalia outside of Vought tower and the woman standing next to him is Soothsayer. The outfit she wore was familiar, a black-skin tight suit with a blind fold tied over her eyes.

Soothsayer was a supe who could see the future and who was apart of Payback, a supe that had vanished a year before the mission in Nicaragua and no one knew where she went. There were rumors that she'd died and that she'd been a Russian spy, but you'd never believed them. You'd heard Butcher talk about how he tried to find her when he was trying to figure out what happened to Soldier Boy, but he never had. Said that the trail went cold.

But now you knew where she went, because she was standing directly in front of you.

She's Soothsayer? Holy fuck that's why Ben kept accusing her of cheating in the poker game because he knew that she could see the future.

"You were Soothsayer?" You gasp. "But why didn't you say anything? Why didn't you tell me?"

She continues to measure the tea leaves. "I didn't tell anyone."

"Grandpa didn't know? But he was alive when you were a supe?"

Your grandfather had never spoken about a history with supes that you remember.

"No." She turns to look at you, a hurt expression crossing over her face for a minute. "Well, I know that I said I was going to have tea, but if we're going to talk about this I'm going to need something a little bit stronger."

Your grandmother opens a cabinet under the stove an pulls out an enormous bottle of scotch. Truth be told you'd never seen her drink more than just a glass of wine, to see her like this was about as shocking as seeing a polar bear sunning itself on a Florida beach.

"Do you still want the blueberry tea or do you need something a little stronger?" She looks back over her shoulder at you as she pulls down a glass for herself.

"I think I need something stronger." You answer honestly.

Learning about everything Darren had done was one thing, but finding out that your grandmother used to be a famous supe and that she never told you about it was another thing. It was like looking at another person. You'd always loved your grandmother's gentle way, her care for her community and her family soft, but now you weren't sure you really knew who she was.

She sits down across from you and hands you a glass of the amber colored liquid. There's a heavy silence that hangs between the two of you as she tries to find a way to start. The photo of her and Ben is laying on top of what you realize is her uniform inside the box and she smiles down at the photo, just a little twitch at the corner of her lips.

"I met Ben when I was twenty three years old." She begins taking a sip from the glass. "Legend 'discovered' me. I had the injection of Compound V maybe two years before that, not when I was born, but I hadn't gotten popular. Other powers were much more flashy and by then there were so many heroes coming out of the woodwork that someone with the ability to see the future didn't seem as marketable."

There's something reflected in her blue eyes, the same eyes your father had, that you can't place. "I had just moved to New York, I had no money, and the way I was getting it was by pretending to be a fortune teller and betting on some sports events on the side. It wasn't hard to prove that I could see the future, the past was more difficult, but Legend somehow stumbled into my shop and figured out that I was a supe. And he didn't think I was too bad looking so he helped me get big."

"You pretended to be a fortune teller?"

She snorts into her glass. "Mhmm. People really will believe anything if they're desperate enough and back then there was so much turmoil going on with Russia that people were scared and wanted to feel comforted. My job provided some of that."

"But why did you walk away from it if you were such a big hero." You ask. "Everyone knew your name, you were-"

Your grandmother raises an eyebrow at you and you fall silent so she can continue. "When I got onto Payback that's when everything exploded for me, the films, the commercials, the ridiculous ads." She sighs. "That's also when I met Ben."

You take a sip from the glass in front of you, sputtering slightly. It was stronger than you were expecting. "And you two were-"

Please don't say dating, please don't say dating, please don't say…

"Friends. Just friends." Diana sits back against the back of the breakfast nook, sinking into the navy blue pillows. "But he is almost as charming now as he was then."

You cringe at the thought of Ben coming on to a younger version of your grandmother.

She taps her glass with her index finger deep in thought. "But I think that I was the only person that Ben actually talked to, the only person that he was comfortable being around."

"What do you mean?" You ask confused. "Didn't he talk to Countess and to Legend?"

Her expression hardens at the mention of Countess's name. "He didn't talk to her the way he talked to me. Ben is difficult, he always has been and I think that most of the people he meet him write him off as this asshole with a chauvinistic look on the world, but he's not. At least, not all the time. There are so many people that he's met that are never willing to take a chance on him. To trust that there is really something beneath all of that bravado."

It was what you had been thinking for the past week, that there was more to Ben than he was willing to let people see, but you were slowly realizing that Ben was letting you see those parts. In the quiet moments at your shared apartment when he sat with you while you read or made you laugh or walked you to and from work you saw another side of Ben that you never saw when he was around anyone else. The guilt rises again when you think of how you ran from him, how you turned your back and left him standing there to clean up your mess.

I shouldn’t have done that, but it was all just so overwhelming and I didn't want to talk to anyone.

"I think that Ben is the most loyal friend I ever had. No one ever seems to believe me when I say that. That we were just friends, but nothing happened between us."

"You didn't date? Or sleep together?" You ask cautiously. It was difficult to imagine Ben being friends with a woman and not having a sexual relationship with her.

Well. We're friends, but that's different.

The last thing you wanted to think about was Ben and your grandmother having sex.

I would need so much therapy after that. You sigh. Yeah, because after all the shit I've been through and found out about my life in the last twenty hours, the knowledge that Ben fucked my grandmother is what's going to push me over the edge.

"No." She shakes her head with a small smile. "About a week after I met Ben, I was running late to a movie shoot and I stepped off the crosswalk without looking. There was a car coming and I didn't see it. Ironic isn't it?" She laughs at herself. "I can see the future and I didn't see a car coming, but your grandfather did and he grabbed the back of my jacket and yanked me onto the sidewalk, saved my life. And the second my eyes locked with his I saw our future. I saw our wedding, our first house, I saw our son take his first steps and I saw how much I would love him and how much he would love me." She clears her throat for a minute, her fingers tighten on the glass, and her gaze drops to the wedding ring on her left hand. “The future is never set in stone, it’s fluid. It morphs and shapes with your decisions, but in the future I saw, I was so happy. And I didn’t want to lose that.”

Your grandfather had passed a few years ago, but you knew it weighed on her everyday. She had spent the week after he died in her room not saying anything to anyone. And sometimes she'd look out the window into the backyard with an odd expression, but you knew that meant she was thinking of him.

Growing up you'd seen how in love the two of them were, more so than your parents. Seen the flowers your grandfather always brought home just because he was thinking of her, watched him do little things around the house without being asked, saw how they never walked away angry from one another, and seen the soppy expression he'd get when he watched your grandmother move around the kitchen baking with a grace that you'd never possessed.

You reach across the table to touch her hand and she takes it gratefully.

"I didn't want to tell him that I was a supe, and at the beginning I thought I could balance it all, but then Ben started dating Countess." She takes another sip from her glass. "She hated me."

"What? Why?" You ask. The creature crawls across the table to sniff at the glass in front of you, before it snorts and falls into your lap, curling into a ball.

"Countess was a bitch." Your grandmother says mirthlessly, her expression hardening. "She wanted to possess Ben completely. Only loved how famous he was, how popular it made her, and he threw himself at her feet, in his own way, not understanding that love didn’t look that way. He’s never had a good example of it in his life. And she never understood that Ben and I were just friends. By then I had been dating your grandfather for a few months and things were getting serious. It was about a year before everything that happened in Nicaragua."

She presses her lips together as if remembering what happened to Ben there. "She was jealous, possessive, and she came to me one night. Ben was out of town for a film so she knew we wouldn’t be interrupted. She threatened to tell your grandfather who I really was and threatened to kill him.” Her jaw sets. “My powers were never really as offensive as hers were. And she said that Ben wouldn’t ever protect me over her because he loved her and would do anything to make her happy. So I left and I never looked back.”

And here I thought I couldn't hate Countess any more than I did for what she did to Ben.

“You didn’t talk to him ever again?” You wonder out loud.

She left without telling him goodbye?

“There was the occasional phone call. Sometimes Ben would ask me to see who was going to win a ball game or something so he could make a few bucks. He stopped by to say hi a few times because he was in the neighborhood. One time he brought your father a baseball glove that was way too big for a one year old.” She snorts, the memory flashing in her eyes. “I always thought Ben would be a good dad some day. But I think seeing your father was when Ben realized how much he wanted to have kids. And I think seeing the way your grandfather treated me made him start to feel conflicted about Countess. But he respected that I walked away, he saw that I was happy.”

“But what about Nicaragua?"

A dark look crosses her face followed by something that looks suspiciously like guilt. “I saw what they were going to do to him.”

“What? But why didn't you tell him what they were planning? Why didn't you-"

"I tried." She snaps, shoulders tense, but then they drop. "I called Ben, but Stan answered. By then your father was turning two, your grandfather had opened up his practice, and Stan threatened me, he knew where we were and knew everything about us. So I kept my mouth shut and I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.”

You could feel your heart breaking for her.

Ben was her best friend and she had to sit by and watch them do that to him. She saw what they were going to do and they were going to kill her for it, kill my family for it.

The anger that surges in your chest makes the creature in your lap stir and grow a few inches, but you tamp it down before it gets bigger than a small dog.

“Does Ben know?” You ask her to distract yourself.

You didn't want Ben to hate your grandmother for this, didn't want him to hate her for something that wasn't her fault.

She nods. “Yes. I told him everything.”

“When?”

“The moment I saw him in your hospital room. I couldn’t keep it in any longer. I wasn't expecting him to be there, but it all poured out of me. I was so surprised to see him there. I hadn't seen a future where he came back."

“Was he mad?”

I mean… he didn't seem mad when I woke up, not to mention he was upset when she left to come back to Illinois.

“Not at me.” She shakes her head. “He knew how much I wanted a normal life and how much I loved your grandfather. He doesn’t blame me for any of it.”

“Good. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me.”

The glass in front of you is still more than half-full but you don't want to risk another sip of what you're sure is gasoline packaged to look like Scotch. Your grandmother reaches to pour herself another glass.

“I didn’t want to until you were ready.”

“And when would that be?”

Your grandmother shrugs. “Maybe on my deathbed.”

You weren't angry for her not telling you, more surprised, but now that you knew everything about her it was hard to see her the same way you had.

 You snort. “And no one knew?”

“Your dad figured it out.”

“How? When?”

“The moment you made that strawberry plant grow from your high chair.” She shakes her head with a smile. “It skipped a generation. Don’t know why, but you got it all somehow.”

“I was never injected?”

“No. That was a lie your father created. He knew that your grandfather didn't know and he knew that I didn't want your grandfather to know."

“Darren thought I was.”

“I know.”

At the mention of your brother's name, you watch her expression harden and she takes another swig from the glass in front of her, not flinching as the liquid goes down her throat.

“Did you see everything that happened?” You ask in a small voice.

You still weren't 100% sure how it was her powers worked, but you figured that she was able to see some of what Darren did and what he said.

“Yes.”

“You heard everything Darren said?"

“Yes.”

You chew the inside of your cheek for a minute hoping that she didn't take it as hard as you did. “Did you know that he killed them?”

“No.” She breathes, rolling the glass between her hands for a moment. “The night they died, I got a vision a few minutes before the car ran off the road. I was the one who called the police and who told them where to look, but I never saw that it was Darren or that it was anyone causing the accident. All I saw was the three of you in the car. I should have known.” Her voice breaks.

“It’s not your fault.” You squeeze her hand.

“And it’s not yours either.” She squeezes your hand back.

The memories are beginning to float up from the recesses of your mind and your teeth clench together as you try to keep them at bay.

“I know.” You breathe. The memory of the ruined shop flashes through your head. “I didn’t know that I could do something like that.” You gently touch your healed right arm and glance at the creature that is nibbling on the edge of the cardboard box with its sharp splinter-like teeth. “I feel so different and I don’t know how to go back to the way I was.”

“I don’t think you ever will.”

"Really?"

The thought was unwelcome. You were hoping that all of this was going to blow over, but you knew it wouldn't. Your powers had changed. There was an energy that thrummed in your veins now, stretching out of the house to the plants that grew in the garden. You could feel them all if you concentrated.

She frowns. “When you told me that you were working for Butcher I was worried about you getting involved in the supe world. I didn’t want that life for you, didn’t want you to suffer the way I did-“

“Was it really that bad?"

“Not all the time, just at the end. But I think that’s why I loved your grandfather so much. Because he was different than all the supes. He was down to earth, not just normal but-“ She shrugs. “I think Compound V does something to our minds, makes them more susceptible and when you’re surrounded by people using their powers and thinking that they’re gods it’s easy to lose who you are. I was glad I left when I did."

“Great." You huff, thinking about how your powers had grown exponentially since you killed your brother. It was scaring you to think that you would reach a point where you acted like Homelander, where you saw yourself as a god and killed anyone who stood in your way.

As tired as the stereotype of you only being able to make the flowers grow, you liked doing that. You liked healing plants, tending to them, and helping them grow. For you it had never been about using your powers the way that you had to kill Elijah and your brother and had always been about spreading a little more joy and love like your grandmother did with her kindness in her community.

Your mind flashes back to the first night that Ben stayed with you in your apartment and he'd asked you why you worked for Butcher and told you that he thought you "didn't fit."

Before you hadn't. You knew that. You weren't intimidating to look at or fueled by revenge or had a bone to pick with supes. You'd joined because you thought it was the right thing to do and because you wanted to be closer with Annie. She had been so involved in the supe world and you'd felt like you were losing your best friend. When in reality being at "Please Don't Die" was the only thing that felt natural for you.

You could feel yourself changing and you weren't sure that you wanted to and you weren't sure if you were changing for the better. Deep down you still felt like you, despite everything Darren had revealed, but your powers were greater than you'd thought they could be.

“No.” She squeezes your hand pulling you out of your head. “I don’t see you losing yourself in this.”

“You’ve seen-“ Your eyes widen.

“The future yeah.” Her lips twitch up at the ends in a smile. “It is what I do.”

“That’s so weird.”

You hadn't meant to say it, but you really didn't want to know too much about your future.

Well, not all that much. Maybe just a little.

“You of all people have no right to judge what’s weird. Not with Godzilla sitting in your lap.”

"Godzilla" yawns, flashing a mouthful of his pointy teeth, before settling back down on your thighs.

You smile for the first time in twenty hours, but then it drops. “I don’t like losing control. I thought I knew who I was but now I don’t-“ The emotions were bubbling up again, chest tightening, and lungs beginning to gasp for air. “I don’t know who I am anymore or what I am or what I can do and-“

“There’s nothing wrong with not being in control.”

“But what if I hurt someone? What if I kill-“ You body shakes as you think about all the important people in your life, Annie, Hughie, Butcher, Kimiko, MM, Frenchie- and then your mind stutters on Ben.

“Your powers are growing and there’s nothing to be afraid of or ashamed of. If you’re afraid of them it won’t get easier for you. You have to embrace the fear to see the lights that line the path through it.”

"I killed Darren, I killed Elijah-"

"Not because you lost control. You did it because you were protecting yourself and protecting your friends."

"But-"

"Who is it that you're scared of hurting? Annie?" Her expression turns sympathetic. "Annie is a supe and understands what it's like to lose control. None of us are in control all the time and it's ridiculous to believe that you won't lose control at least once."

Your throat clenches tightly, because when she asked the question you didn't see Annie's face, you saw Ben's. You knew that it was probably ridiculous to worry about hurting a guy with a nuclear reactor stuffed in his chest or a guy who'd been through every torture known to man, but you were. And you weren't entirely sure if you meant hurting him with just your powers.

Tears crest and fall down your cheeks as you sit there, throat thickening. "I don't want to hurt Ben."

"He's a little more indestructible than us sweetie." She cracks a smile, but you can't smile back and you don't answer because you're unsure how to.

She sits back against the breakfast nook and sighs, examining your face and slowly realizes what you mean. "Ben is complicated. He always has been. I like to think that most of it, is his father's fault. Has he told you anything about him?"

You shake your head.

"He was a dick. Made Ben think that he was a disappointment his whole life. I don't think that Ben has had someone love him unconditionally since his mother died. And loving Countess only made it worse for him. Her love was jealous, possessive, and I don't think that he's really come to terms with what real love should look like." She lets out a breath, tapping her index finger against the glass. "I never saw him as more than a friend, but I do love him. It's not a crime to love him."

"I don't love him." You say it immediately.

"Why not?"

"What?" You sputter. "I don't know what you're-"

"Tell me why you don't love him." Your grandma says methodically, as if she's trying to talk you through it.

"Because I-" The pressure was back in the back of your throat and you couldn't quite meet her eye. "Because-" You scramble for the answer, trying your darndest to keep your heart from clenching in your chest. "I want what you and grandpa had, what Annie and Hughie have, and what my parents had. A strong relationship with someone who sees all my flaws, the little parts, and the darkness and still choses to fall in love with me anyway. I don't want just one night I want every night. I want something real and Ben has said countless times that he-"

"So you've talked about it with Ben?" She raises an eyebrow.

"Only because he kept trying to sleep with me and I told him that I didn't want to have sex with him." You reply exasperated.

"You don't?"

"Gran!"

"What? He's attractive."

"It doesn't matter. None of it does. Because Ben has said that he doesn't have relationships, that he doesn't care about feelings, or emotions." Saying the words that Ben had told you countless times made something inside begin to shrivel up and die. "And I do. And I don't want to manipulate him into being something he's not or force him into a relationship that's doomed from the beginning. Ben is Ben. He's not changing or-"

"He has." She interrupts.

"What?"

"The Ben I saw in your hospital room is not the one I knew." She says it so matter of fact that makes it hard to breathe. "And neither was the one that I saw in your apartment when I stayed with you. I mean he is in essence Ben, but-"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"He is changing. Not completely, but he's acting differently than when he was with Countess. I mean, I saw all the things he did for her. The way he was around her."

"Why does that matter?"

"Because he loved her."

The words make your heart seize in your chest. "Ben doesn't love me. He's my roommate and my friend-" It was the same thing that you kept telling yourself on repeat to beat back the other feelings that you hadn't quite identified yet. "And he's told me that he doesn't want a relationship and that I should try to meet other people."

That last part was a lie, but you honestly didn't know where she was going with this conversation or why it was getting so hard to breathe.

"Have you thought that maybe Ben doesn't want to love you because he's scared?"

"He doesn't love me and Ben isn't afraid of anything."

"He is. It might not look the same way on him as it does on everyone else, but if you pay close enough attention you can catch it." She hesitates. "And I think if you pay attention to you, you'll see what it is that you're afraid of too."

What does she mean? What the hell am I afraid of? Ben isn't afraid of anything, he's practically shouted that from the mountaintops like Julie Andrews.

"I already told you what I'm afraid of."

"I'm not talking about you hurting someone honey. There's something else that you refuse to admit to yourself because you're scared." She smiles sadly at you. "You should though, because when you embrace it, what comes after is really beautiful." There's a far off look in her eyes and you realize that she'd seen something further ahead that she wasn't letting on.

"And it's all I want for you. To be happy." Your grandmother stands from the other side of the booth "I think you need some rest. You drove all night long and I doubt you got any sleep. And I have to package all of these before Annie's mother calls down the four horsemen of the Apocalypse on me."

"Wait-"

"Please sweetie." She lays her hand down on your arm. "I think you'll feel a little better about all of this when you've had some rest." Her fingers raise to push back some of the hair that's fallen forward into your eyes. "Hmm?"

You didn't want to rest, you wanted to talk about this, but you knew better than to argue with her. Not to mention she was right, you hadn't slept.

"And when you wake up I'll make your favorite for dinner, alright?" She smiles, but there's something behind it that you can't place.

"Okay."

And this time you don't argue with her. You go up the worn staircase that you have your entire life and collapse onto your bed, wondering exactly what it was she saw your future hold, and what it is that you won't admit to yourself.

Soldier Boy POV

There was no light in the apartment save from the burning red tip of Ben's blunt and the bluish glow emanating from the tv that caught the dips and sharp edges of his face. But it was nothing more than background noise.

His hand absentmindedly stroked along Bean's back, his eyes focused on the ceiling above the couch. He hadn't moved in hours. It had been over twenty four hours since everything that happened at the plant shop, since you'd summoned a creature from the depths of the store, since Darren had thrown Ben through the plate glass windows of the bakery, and since Ben had last seen you.

He didn't understand why you hadn't let him take you back to the apartment and why it was that you had to leave. Ben hadn't liked the feeling that stabbed him in the chest when you turned your back on him and ran away. He'd felt the urge to comfort you the way he'd watched Hughie do for Annie in the car a week ago, but you hadn't let him.

Instead all he'd done is stood there and watched you run, still covered in dust, rubble, and blood. Worse was you hadn't let him check you for injuries and Ben hated the thought that you were hurt somewhere and he didn't know where you were.

You were so much more fragile than he was. He was realizing that more every day, was acutely aware of it after everything that happened with Elijah. Honestly, sitting there in the hospital with you laying there asleep with nothing that he could do, but wait for you to wake up had been agony. Not to mention that looking at the bruises around your throat, over your eye, and the bright green cast only made him feel worse. He'd never felt so helpless in his entire life and he hated it. Because Ben wasn't some helpless damsel in distress, he was a man and a man shouldn't wait on anyone or feel out of control, or at least, that's what he told himself.

Ben hears someone walk down the hallway outside the apartment and he perks up to listen, hoping that it's you finally coming home. Ben's mind stutters on the word "home." He'd lived many places in his life, apartments that felt more like way-stations, and the drafty cold mansion back in Philadelphia where he grew up, but neither felt like home. And although he hated how small your apartment was, it was the first place that Ben liked living in. He was starting to understand the word home.

But the feet keep moving past the apartment and Ben sinks into the couch cushions. Even Bean seems to be disappointed. "It's alright buddy." Ben mutters. "She'll come back."

But he wasn't sure.

Ben also wasn't used to feeling this way. It was close to the way that he felt when he went to Boston and was sitting in that damn hotel room waiting for something to happen and he still didn't understand what it meant. He didn't understand why he couldn't stand it that you weren't back yet. It made him feel like a woman waiting for her husband to get home from work when he told her that he was "running late." He'd tried to distract himself by looking at some possible prospects on Tinder, but just like the week after you'd come home from the hospital and just like the date he had in Boston, no one held any appeal.

His mind was awake and roaming around, pacing back and forth. The blunt was supposed to help, but it hadn't.

His phone chirps and Ben picks it up to look at the screen, but it's not you, it's Jake.

Jake: I know that I'm not your favorite person, but thank you for what you did.

Ben huffs and turns his phone face down on the couch once more. "What a fucking pussy."

When you left Ben had realized that Jake was still inside the building and as much as he wanted race after you, he understood that you'd be even more upset if you'd killed Jake. So Ben had tromped back through the building and found him trapped beneath some rubble. Jake was okay, just unconscious, but Ben had carried him out and put him on the sidewalk before he high tailed it out of there. The last thing that he wanted was to be caught with a shredded body outside a ruined building.

I didn't do it for him. I did it for her. Ben thinks to himself, looking down at the text message.

As much as he hated the thought of saving your future boyfriend, he didn't want to see what it did to you if you found out that you killed Jake, so he'd done it to avoid watching you cry again.

Ben didn't understand why he hated watching you cry.

Women cry. They're damn emotional all the time. He tries to reason with himself taking a puff from the blunt pinched between his thumb and forefinger. And she fucking cries way too much.

The image of you crying outside of the shop in the wake of everything that happened pricks something under his ribcage. Fuck.

Ben didn't feel remorse for what happened, well, the only thing he regretted was not getting there sooner and getting to fuck Darren up himself. When Diana had called him to tell him that Darren was coming, Ben had practically ripped the apartment door off in his haste to get back to you. He hadn’t wanted to leave you at the plant shop, but Butcher had told Ben, that he had a possible location for Darren, but it came up empty and Ben had been at Butcher's apartment chewing him out for sending him on a fucking wild goose chase.

It only made Ben more angry to allow Darren to speak to you, but he was trying to let you handle it even though he wanted to handle him. But it had brought him an unholy amount of joy to throw Darren in front of that minivan and to watch that creature tear him apart while the final whitish blue pulses of electricity jumped and crackled down the street making the streetlights shower sparks everywhere.

But Ben was more upset that Darren had been able to land a few hits on you before you killed him.

Ben remembered the giant lizard that crawled out of what was left of "Please Don't Die" and felt his lips quirk up into a smile. As much as he hated the entire situation, Ben couldn't help but feel a little surge of pride at what you'd done to your brother. He'd never seen you look so powerful standing there in the street, your eyes glowing a brilliant green, arms outstretched, and the ground trembling around you as the world begged to be unleashed.

Of course he'd been just as surprised as you were at the fact that you'd healed your broken arm. He wasn't sure if you'd noticed it yet, but you looked different too. There weren't as many lines on your face and your hair was more springy, the few silver hairs that Ben had noticed in passing were no longer there.

He wasn't sure what that meant, but there was something that felt suspiciously like hope tingling in his stomach, hope that you weren't as fragile anymore and hope that it meant you wouldn't die.

When Diana had told Ben that her husband had died, he saw the pain in her eyes when she said it, saw her relieving the memory, and for some reason as soon as she said that he was dead, the first thing Ben thought about was you. Ben hadn't considered his inability to age as much in the past, hadn't cared about outliving anyone before. Seeing Countess as an older woman had made him more aware of it. Looking at the woman who he once thought he loved, had showed him what that was like. Not that he had a problem with daring older women, Ben always thought that women really did get better with age, but it was what came next that Ben wasn't fond of.

And for some reason thinking that one day he'd wake up and see the marks of age on your face or one day he'd wake up and he wouldn't be able to annoy you or hear you yell at him made his chest tight.

Ben takes another hit of his blunt. The longer he sat there the more then unnatural feeling stirred in the pit of his stomach, thrumming through his veins, the feeling that he was trying to avoid. He thought that the joint would calm him down, but he found himself jumping at every creak and footstep in the apartment building, perking up each time and hoping that it was you coming home.

He didn't know where you were. You hadn't answered any of his texts or calls and Ben was ashamed at how many times that he had tried to call you.

Get a fucking grip. He'd thought to himself when he typed out another text message to send you, stopping himself from sending it.

But he'd been so desperate to hear from you that he'd actually gone to talk to Annie who seemed upset that she couldn't get ahold of you either. When Hughie and Annie had seen how upset Ben had been, Hughie had laid his hand on Ben's arm and told him not to worry. Ben had yelled at him that he "wasn't fucking worried and to mind his own business" and had shaken off Hughie's comforting hand before stomping out of the shared apartment.

No one else seemed to be as concerned about finding you. Butcher, MM, and Frenchie were all deeply involved in trying to figure out the cover-up for what happened outside the plant shop. By some miracle no one had caught a picture of your face, but there was little they could do about Darren's body that had been strewn across the street. Annie was having to deal with the repercussions at work, trying to handle what the news was calling a "super villain threat."

Personally, Ben thought that since they froze Homelander, the Seven looked weak and Ben believed that the superhero team that represented America shouldn't look weak. Of course before Ben had also thought that they looked like a bunch of pussies and again felt himself sink deeper into the couch when he thought about what his supposed son had become.

He shakes off the feelings he has about it and his thoughts turn back inevitably to you.

Ben wasn't used to thinking about someone as much as he thought of you, but each time he settled back into the apartment and you weren't there he was hyperaware of how quiet it was.

Maybe I should call Diana. She might know where she is.

As soon as Ben thinks that, his phone begins to ring, but Ben doesn't bother to look at who it is before he answers it. 

"Hello?" Ben huffs out a breath of smoke that hangs in the air in front of his face, catching in the bluish light coming from the television.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" The voice on the other side of the line yells at him.

"Di?"

"Yes it's me. Who did you think it was? Santa Clause?" Your grandmother snarks.

"Why are you calling me and why the fuck are you so mad? What did I do?" Ben answers slightly annoyed.

As much as you got under his skin, your grandmother had been the same way. He actually thought that it was amusing that even before he figured out that she was your grandmother that he had often compared you to her in his mind. You had the same mannerisms, the same defiant and stubborn attitude that drove Ben up the wall, and you were just as beautiful as she was.

Ben was okay with admitting that he was attracted to you. To him that felt normal, it was the other feelings that he was conflicted about, the ones that he'd never felt before stirring in his chest that made him feel "too emotional" and "woman-like."

Truthfully, Ben was sure that if your grandmother had given him a shot that maybe he would have felt that way about her too. She was the only person that Ben actually trusted in the 80's, the only person that was brave enough to call him out on all his shit. You did that now. But he liked her husband also, so Ben was content with letting her go. He liked how happy that Henry, your grandfather, had made her. He knew that she wasn't happy as a supe and seeing her so happy and in love made Ben feel something that was close to happiness.

And it was seeing the way the two of them were together made Ben wonder if what he had with Countess was the same thing. Because he did have feelings about her that were different, but each time he went to visit Diana and saw your father playing on her lap he felt that there was something missing in his life.

It was the same way that he thought something was missing when you weren't in the apartment, but Ben hadn't realized that yet.

"Because I don't understand what the hell you're doing!" Diana replies and Ben honestly doesn't know why she's angry with him.

"About what?"

"My granddaughter."

Ben sits up the blunt in his fingertips forgotten. "Is she there with you?"

"Yes." Her voice softens for a moment.

Ben relaxes and leans back onto the couch, sighing in relief. "Good.  That's good." Relief swelled in his chest when he thought about you staying with her, safe.

That's what she meant when she said that she wanted to go home. Home is with her grandmother. Ben stopped the next thought before he could go there.

The thought that home wasn't with him.

Ben was trying not to think about that or think about you hating him. He didn't think you did, well, didn't think you did anymore. At first it really was touch and go, but now he was almost eighty percent sure after you'd told him more than once that you weren't afraid of him and didn’t hate him that you sometimes wanted him around.

"No, not good."

"What do you mean? Is she okay?" Ben's grip on the phone tightens so hard that he's sure that he hears the screen cracking.

"No."

"What happened?" Ben's voice is a growl, the feelings of relief evaporating as soon as they had begun to bloom in his chest. He mentally calculated how long it would take him to get to you.

"Her entire life fucking fell apart and where are you? Not here!"

Oh. Ben relaxed a little bit.

"I don't need to be there." He says on an exhale of smoke.

"Yes you do!" Diana presses.

"No, I don't. She a big girl she doesn't need me there, she's-" Ben takes a puff from the joint.

“If you were any denser you’d be a Bundt cake Benjamin!” She says exasperated.

"What the fuck are you talking about doll? I am not-"

“Let me guess." She interrupts and Ben can imagine her tapping her foot. He hated when she did that. "You’re moping around smoking a blunt on the couch probably with a glass of something that you're hoping to numb whatever the hell it is you're feeling."

Ben's eyes shift to the bottle of whiskey on the coffee table that he hadn't touched in a few minutes.

“I’m not fucking moping and stop spying on me!” He snaps back at Diana.

He hated how well she knew him. She was his best friend in the 80's through all the shit, she had seen him at his worst and at his best too many times to count.

“I don’t have to use my powers to know what you’re doing. I know you Ben.”

"Sorry to disappoint you sweetheart.” Ben grits his teeth, temper flaring hot. “But if you know me as well as you fucking say you do then you then you know that this is-“

“You avoiding your feelings by acting aloof and brooding like a fucked up version of Mr. Darcy.” She interrupts.

She certainly hasn't changed.

“I am not avoiding-“

“She needs you here Ben.” Diana stamps her foot, the same way you do when Ben pisses you off, and Ben can hear it.

“She doesn’t need me! She said that she wanted to go home, that she didn’t want to be here with me! I tried to-“ Ben shouts back standing up. It was the exact thing that he'd been thinking for the past twenty four hours, that you didn’t need him and that you didn't want to be any where near him.

That last thought made an uncomfortable sensation prickle in his gut when he thought it, because all it did was remind him of how you acted when the two of you first met, when you didn't want him to live with you and tried your darndest to make him go away.

He didn’t want to and he wasn't sure why that was.

“Try harder.” Diana interrupts him again and frankly it was pissing him off.

Ben clenches his jaw. “I think that you’ve confused me with someone else baby.”

“Don’t you 'baby' me Benjamin! We both know that you’re doing what you always do when things get hard for you.”

“And what’s that?”

“You pretend not to care and shut out everyone who tries to care for you. Not to mention you drown yourself in drugs, booze, and women.”

“She doesn’t care about me!” He spits.

“She does!” Diana snaps back. “And believe it or not she needs you here and she wants you here.”

"But-"

"Ben please." It was the first time that he'd heard Diana sound softer and almost pleading since the conversation started. "Don't do this to her. She's worth more than Countess and all those other women you've fallen into bed with."

"Do you really think I don't know that?" He roars. The answer surprises himself. "Do you think I don't know that she's different?"

Wait what?

"If you know that, then why aren't you here?"

He hesitates.

Everything you said to him the night of the party comes roaring back. You looking beautiful in a dress that made his throat tight, and you telling him that you just wanted to be friends and that you understood that he wasn't the type of guy to have relationships. He didn't understand why it stung a bit when you said that, but it had.

Ben thinks about the week that the two of you spent together after Diana went home, when he tried his best to take care of you, distract you from everything that happened with his movies, and would sit with you and try to make you laugh. He'd never wanted to take care of someone before.

Not to mention he kind of liked the way you laughed. He wouldn’t admit that to anyone, but each time you did, it made him want to laugh too. That had never happened to him before. But he wanted to make you laugh to forget everything that happened with Elijah. His fist clenches when he thinks of exactly what Elijah tried to do to you and it makes him feel so mad that he feels close to spontaneously combusting. Ben might not be the best role model when it came to women, but he couldn’t imagine the type of man who would force himself on someone else.

It had made him angry when he thought that you were suggesting that he would try something when he first moved in, because he wasn't that type of man.

Ben was trying to be better for you. He wasn't admitting that, but he really was trying to be better. He didn't understand why. You'd told him countless times that you didn’t want to be with him, that you wanted to be with someone else like Jake.

Ben frowns when he thinks about the man he'd pulled from the rubble of the shop. And again thinks to himself that you should be with someone different, someone who was a supe and could understand you. Ben had seen how difficult it was for Diana when she was keeping her supe life a secret from your grandfather and he didn't want you to have to do that with someone.

"Because I'm not-" Ben begins to say, but he holds his tongue. It was too honest, too raw, too unlike him to admit this to anyone.

Because I'm not this guy. Because I'm not the one she wants. Because I'm not some knight on a white horse. Because she's everything right with the world and I'm just a fucking asshole who sleeps on her couch.

"Ben." Diana breathes and he can practically hear her pinching the bridge of her nose. "In all the years I've known you, you've never done what you did for her with anyone else. You carried her out of that warehouse, you stayed with her in the hospital even after she woke up, you took care of her when she came home, you protected her from Darren. You can't ignore all those things."

"I'm not ignoring them. She's my friend." The word sours in his mouth as he says it. "And she would have done the same thing for me." He knew it was true.

She's a good person and she wouldn't let me chase her away if any of that shit happened to me and I told her to leave me alone.

"Yes she would. Because she cares about you." Diana sighs.

"She doesn't."

"Why don't you believe me?"

"Because she's told me what she wants!" Ben shouts so loudly he can feel the room shaking. "She wants to be friends-“

"Because she doesn't think that you want a relationship you nitwit!"

"I don't." Ben spits the words before he can stop them, but as he does something tightens at the base of his throat.

"How is it that it's been forty fucking years and you're still able to dance on the grave of my last nerve?"

Ben chuckles. "I missed you too sweetheart."

She sighs into the phone again making it crackle in Ben's ear. "She needs you.” Diana repeats. “And I think you need her too.”

His temper was flaring again, the thoughts that his father pressed into him surging up before he can stop the words. “I don’t need anyone. I’m Sol-“

“If you say that you’re Soldier Boy, I’m going to reach through this phone and slap you silly.” She snaps. “And you do need her, but you’re still just too stubborn to admit it.”

“I-“

“Ben I know that everything that happened with Countess was fucked up, but my granddaughter she-“ Diana pauses before she changes the thought.  “You say that you know she’s different, but right now you’re treating her the same way you treat all those other women.”

“I’m not-“

“My granddaughter has decided you’re important to her and once that’s happened it’s hard to make her let go. You saw the way she was with Darren and that guy was a manipulative asshole. Imagine what she thinks of you.”

“I-“

“Stop making excuses!”

“You didn’t even hear what I was going to say!” Ben shouts.

“And I don’t need to! Think what you want Ben but if you’d stop acting so stubborn and so ridiculously blind to what’s right in front of you. I promise that what comes next is worth the risk.”

“Don’t go all fucking mystical on me doll.”

“And don’t go all macho- no feelings asshole on me! So stop being so damn stubborn, get on a plane and get your ass here.” She retorts. “Don’t fuck this up Benjamin because if you do I’ll fuck you up.”

The line goes dead.

Ben sat there for a minute in the silence still holding the phone up to his ear, listening to what your grandmother said to him ring around in his head for a second.

No one ever spoke to him that way. In fact, Ben had never allowed anyone to speak to him the way that she did, well, not until you came along. You reminded him so much of her that it was astounding and he wasn't going to admit that maybe it's why he liked being around you so much.

Ben frowns at what Diana said, thinking about the unusual feelings that were swirling in the pit of his stomach. He felt wrong and the feelings were odd for him. He hadn't felt anything remotely like this ever in his life, not even for Countess.

And although Ben refused to be afraid of anything, the feelings he was having scared him. He didn’t understand and he wasn't sure that he wanted to. He wasn't sure that he wanted to see where this ended up. He felt like he was in too deep.

As much as he wanted to go to you like Diana ordered him to, he wasn't sure that he should. Something was holding him back, digging it's heels in and refusing to budge.

But why do I feel like-

His phone rings and he doesn't look at the caller ID when he picks up, expecting it to be Diana again, yelling at him.

"Di I-"

But it's not Diana.

"Hello Ben. It's nice to hear your voice again." The familiar voice says, sounding calm and collected.

"What the fuck do you want?" Ben snarls.

 "I thought it was time the two of us had a chat.”

A/N: At this point Diana is really just trying to give both Ben and the reader the kick in the pants they need. And yes I know another cliffhanger, but you know you love it. 🤭😉 We are quickly reaching the end of this series, but that means the confession scene is coming and I am so excited about it!!

As always thank you so much for reading! Reblogs, likes, and comments are not required, but are always appreciated. I love hearing what y'all think! If you'd like to be added to the taglist for this series let me know. 😊

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[darklydreamingdaddydom]

He could tell his girlfriend was getting quite stressed from work and school…  She never seemed to get a break.  So he waited until she had a solid 5 days of nothing..  With no one or thing to worry about.

    A lot of planning was involved, he cleaned out an old storage room and put in a crib with plastic sheets and cuffs on each corner of the bed (good for changing naughty rebellious little girls who wet and mess themselves.)  

    There was a cabinet, filled with diapers, powder, wipes, and cute little outfits that made her look like a 3 year old..  There were also paddles, vibrators, rope, cuffs, and crops etc. depending on how bad his little girl decided to be.

    Finally it was time..  She came home from work with a sigh of relief..  He handed her cranberry juice with laxatives and diuretics.  Soon enough she would realize that she needs diapers, and Daddy’s guidance.

    “Sweetie, I want to talk to you about something..  I know things have been so stressful for you, and I want to help.  Let me take care of you this weekend, so you can just relax.”  She loved the idea of that, it sounded perfect to her…  Little did she know what was actually in store for her.

    Some time had gone by, and she was beginning to get a bit suspicious…  Why did he keep feeding her snacks and drinks?  She had all ready had so much, but she didn’t want to disappoint him..  Suddenly a need to pee washed over her and she doubled over trying to hold it.  

    “What’s wrong baby?”  I asked, as I pulled her onto my lap.  “I’m not a baby,” she responded rather indignantly.  “Now let me up, I need to use the bathroom.”  She squirmed in my lap as I held her in my arms, she gave me a strange look as she struggled.  “Listen baby girl, I’m going to take care of you this weekend, but you’re going to have to follow some rules…  Rule number 1, bathroom off limits.”

    “You’ve gone crazy, haven’t you?”  She asks in disbelief, the pressure growing in her bladder.  “Crazy for you little girl,” I teased as I began to tickle her.  Now she really began to squirm and writhe about, but suddenly froze as I felt my own crotch begin to get soaked, with a steady *drip drip* on the floor.  

    “Oh my God, Sarah, didn’t you just say that you weren’t a baby?”  She was didn’t know how to process what happened, red in the face and utterly humiliated..  She just wanted to hide, she couldn’t believe that she just wet herself, now she was soaked.

    “C’mon sweetie, lets get you cleaned up.”  Before she knew it she was being carried in his arms..  She really did feel like a baby in that moment, and it was kind of nice knowing that he was there to take care of her..  But then she saw it.  He opened a door to what looked like an adult nursery.  

    Before she could say anything he had laid her down and began locking her ankles and wrists into the cuffs attached to the four corners of her crib.  That’s right, her crib, because she was the only one in sight who wet themselves like a toddler.

    “What are you doing?!”  She yelled and she flailed about against her cuffs.  Relax sweetie, this is for your own good..  You need to give this a chance, the cuffs are just in the beginning to help you settle in..  They may be used as punishment in the future if you’re going to be a naughty little brat.  “Are you fucking crazy?!”  She yelled.  He gave her a hard swat on her butt, and that was enough for her to go quiet, with just a small whimper, as she looked up with pleading eyes.

    He began to cut her clothes off of her, until she was completely naked.  The look in her eyes betrayed her, was she secretly enjoying this all ready?  Could she finally give up control to someone else?  He did make her feel safe, even though she was completely helpless now.  But then she saw it, he pulled out a thick diaper from the cabinet, and her face grew more red then he had ever seen.

    “What are you doing with that?..  Please no..”  She begged, and she lifted her cute little ass for him without even thinking.  Before she knew it he had expertly taped the thick diaper in place between her legs.  She couldn’t help but press her diapered butt against the changing pad bringing it back and forth as the diaper rubbed against her princess parts, making her moan.  She felt so humiliated and helpless, why was it turning her on so much?

    He slapped her diapered but again, and told her no cumming without permission was rule number 2.  She pouted and looked up at him, about to plead for a second time before she caught herself..  She didn’t want to be in diapers!  This was ridiculous!

    “You’re going to behave, right baby?”  He let her out of her restraints, and lifted her onto his hip, carrying her back over to the couch.  He pulled a sheet off the couch, which turned out to be waterproof.  Important when you have a leaky baby to take care of.  Into the wash it went, to be ready again in a few hours when her diaper is at its leaking point.  

    He held her in his lap again, giving her soft kisses and rocking her..  She was still trying to get over the fact that her Daddy was holding her in nothing but a diaper, when she felt a sudden intense pressure in her bowels.  She blushed at the thought of calling him Daddy, and began to squirm.  “Please let me up, I really need to go.”

    “That’s what your diapers are for sweetie, just relax and let go”  She wasn’t having it though.  She kept trying to fight and even buck against him as he held her down in his lap.  It was to no avail, she couldn’t struggle and hold it..  She felt herself losing control, blushing as she let farted and her belly growled and grumbled.  She stopped struggling and focused all of her might on holding it in.

    She began to cry as the mess forced its way out of her and filled the back of her diaper.  It just kept coming as she grunted and struggled to push it into her tight diaper.  She was utterly exhausted and spent by the end, and a complete mess.  Makeup down her face from crying, and the fullest diaper she could imagine.  She began wetting herself, but didn’t even care at this point.  She just tried to hide in his arms, really feeling like a baby for the first time.

    He patted her mushy diaper, pressing it into her..  She didn’t even try to stop him any more.  “You’re such a good girl, you’ve gone through a lot baby..  Lets get you cleaned up with a bath and then get you in a fresh diaper.  Then we can curl up and watch a movie.

    She sighed as he was carrying her again.  She was humiliated, but she knew she was in good hands..  She would never admit it, but she might be enjoying this after all.

[procyonloser]

Pt 9

Lucifer woke up to a slight jolt of the mattress, and jerked his head up, drool running down his cheek. Adam was starting to sit up in bed, and looked over at Lucifer apologetically.

"I have to work this morning, I gotta go to my place and get ready." Adam said, keeping his voice soft, judging by the light coming in the window, it was still fairly early. "Unless you have clothes that fit me, which I'm guessing you do not."

"You're eight feet tall, and I'm the size of a Dorito." Lucifer mumbled, making Adam laugh. He leaned in and kissed him, before getting out of bed, and Lucifer didn't mind the view one bit, even if it meant he was going to have to say goodbye to Adam for the rest of the day.

"Call me?" Lucifer asked, and Adam sent him a look.

"Duh," Adam said with some humor. "Let me know when you want to go to the observatory with Charlie, otherwise most my nights are open, except the days I teach shop class downtown."

Lucifer blinked at him. "Who are you? How many jobs do you have?"

"I'm Adam, bitch, and I have a single job... Just a handful of side hustles. I also teach guitar classes, but only in summer." Adam grinned down at him, before grabbing his clothes from the night before. "I used to have more, when I was avoiding going home."

"Ah, yes, I took a cheese making class once to avoid divorce stress, and I'm lactose intolerant." Lucifer sat up in bed, realizing that while he'd called in late for work today, he did still have to get up as well.

Adam snickered before pausing and looking at the door, before walking back over, getting on the bed, straddling Lucifer, and kissing his brains out, until they were practically leaking out of his head. "Okay," Adam said after a second, voice slightly hoarse. "See you later."

"Yeah," Lucifer breathed out, eyes fluttering. After Adam left, he flopped back down onto his bed, arms outstretched, a dumb smile on his face.

"Excuse me?" Lilith asked, voice slightly icy. It'd taken years for Lucifer to realize that when she said things like that, she wasn't actually asking for clarification or Lucifer to explain what he'd just said - she was more or less saying, 'what the fuck are you thinking?'

"I... What's wrong with that?" Lucifer asked nervously, eyes darting over to where Charlie was in the living room of his former home, kissing all her stuffed animals goodbye for the next few days. "You're dating, aren't you?"

"I'm not taking Charlie on dates with me! Not with some random strange man?" Lilith hissed, and on some level Lucifer understood her point, but Adam wasn't a stranger. Well, he did seemingly drop a new job on him every time they met, but not like that.

"Adam works with kids, he's met Charlie repeatedly already at the aquarium, and he's just trying to schedule dates so I don't have to miss out on seeing Charlie or him. That's not weird? Is it?" Lucifer asked, confusion setting in. He didn't like it when she talked like he was incapable of understanding things.

"Lucifer-" Lilith said, only to get cut off my Charlie running in with her bag, hugging Lucifer's leg.

"I'm ready!" She said cheerfully, laughing as Lucifer picked her up, hugging her tightly.

"Okay, let's go! We're going to have a great weekend, right?!"

"Yeah!" Charlie cheered, and Lilith made a face, but didn't say anything else besides one last,

"Be careful."

"He's not dangerous," Lucifer said softly, and Lilith shook her head.

"You're falling too fast, Lucifer. More than just you will be hurt if this doesn't work out, if you involve Charlie. What happens if you break up, will you still go to the aquarium? The zoo?"

Lucifer was quiet, he didn't know. He wouldn't avoid it intentionally, but it would hurt to see Adam again if they did. She was right, he did fall hard and fast for people, but he felt like maybe Adam did too.

"Hey Charlie, you want to go see the stars tonight?" Lucifer asked, turning away from Lilith. He was going to choose to hope for the best.

[asirensrage]

Title: There's Something Wrong with Shinichiro Fandom: Tokyo Revengers Rating: Explicit Pairing: None. Side pairing Shinichiro x Unnamed Sano!OC Word count: 2306 Warnings: Dark!fic. Incest. Underaged teen pregnancy. Obsession. Forced Relationship. Emotional Manipulation. Swearing. Violence. Suicide. Canon divergence. Unbeta’d. *warnings are not exhaustive* Summary: There's something wrong with Shinichiro. Haruchiyo tries to get to the bottom of it. What he finds destroys everything he believes of the man. Shin is supposed to be the good one. Not this.

MAJOR MANGA SPOILER WARNING!

This fic mentions events in the manga that have not yet been shown in the anime. You have been warned.

Notes: I enjoyed writing this and the exploration in Sanzu's POV. It's a look at how desperation and fear can change a person and how distance can give the perspective needed to see the truth. I hope you like it.

There’s something wrong with Shinichiro. 

It started after Mikey’s death. Maybe even before it but Haruchiyo wasn’t around for a lot of that. Juvie does a number is keeping one out of the loop. He doesn’t regret it though. Not after what he heard those assholes say. But Shinichiro��maybe it’s because he was gone that he can see the difference. It’s not a gradual thing. 

Mikey died. A broken fucking fragile thing his friend never had any right to be. Emma left long before Haru got out. And people…he thinks people are forgetting there was another one. Another sister who was friends with his. He heard Takeomi say she ran away but Haruchiyo knows her as well as he knew Mikey. She wouldn’t do that. She was a fucking bleeding heart who tried hard to step up to take care of her family long before she had any right to. Shinichiro was supposed to be the eldest. He looked out for them. But then Mikey died and Shinichiro was going fucking insane which was saying something with how he knew people thought about him.

Haruchiyo tried to ask Baji. He tried to even ask his fucking brother who waved him off like it was nothing. When Takeomi ordered him to leave Shin alone and not go visit, he knew something was up. He knows something’s wrong and fuck Takeomi if he thinks he’ll listen to him. Haruchiyo isn’t a child anymore. He’s not afraid of his brother. Shinichiro was more of a brother to him than Takeomi ever was. If he can help him, he will. 

So he goes to visit him. 

But Shinichiro keeps him standing on the porch instead of inviting him in. It’s weird. Shinichiro was always welcoming to him. To any of Mikey’s friends. To anyone. It was part of why he was so popular, why he was a good leader. So the way he’s standing on the porch smoking, body angled in a way to keep Haruchiyo from even looking in the doorway sets his nerves on edge. 

He doesn’t get let in. Shinichiro makes some excuse to go to work or the shop (he changed his story twice) and leads Haruchiyo away from the house before he ever realizes what he’s doing. It makes him suspicious and afraid. He attended Mikey’s funeral but he wonders if they never cremated Mikey’s body. If Shinichiro has some kind of shrine set up…but he wouldn’t do that. Shin wouldn’t let Mikey be unable to pass on. So there’s something else. 

🪟

The next time he visits the house, he does when he knows Shinichiro is at work. He knocks on the door, but there’s no answer. He hears it though. Hears the soft sound of feet padding on the ground. Living in the type of home he did, surviving juvie without getting jumped, you pick up things. Including an acute sense of hearing to start. 

He moves as quiet as possible around the outside, trying to find the right window. Mikey used to joke about sneaking out as teens when they were kids. Before…before the accident. It’s never locked. Not that anyone would attempt to rob a dojo. 

He prys it open slowly, just enough that he can see first and freezes. She didn’t run like Emma. Instinct urges him to continue, to break in and demand what happened. He’ll fuck them up but there’s something warning him and he remembers sitting in Mikey’s funeral, watching Shinichiro grip his last sibling’s wrist tight, as if he was afraid she’d disappear too. It was chalked up to grief. 

He swallows tightly, shaking his head as he tries to make sense of it. He’s wrong. He has to be wrong. But Takeomi ordered him to leave it alone, no one asks about her anymore and the former Black Dragons have made every excuse about Shinichiro’s losses. They helped spread the rumours that both girls are gone. 

He closes the window as quietly as possible. And runs. 

🪟

“What the fuck are we doing?” Baji complains as Haruchiyo drags him along. 

“Will you shut the fuck up?” Honestly, it’s a miracle Baji even let him because the two of them haven’t been friends in ages. He thinks it’s the curiosity of Haru demanding his presence. That he has something to show him. Baji is the only one who Haruchiyo knows will react the way he should. The way he reacted. Haruchiyo needs him to prove that he’s not insane. That his suspicions are right.  

“Is this some fucking obsession thing? Does Shin know we’re here?”

“No,” he admits. “I was trying to see what was wrong with him and–” he can’t even bring himself to say it. Can’t air the thought that one of his heroes…

“He’s fucking grieving,” Baji says like everyone does. Haruchiyo shakes his head though and his former friend falls quiet. Thankfully just in time as they reach the house and sneak around to the same window. 

Haruchiyo prys it open the same way and looks, praying that she’s in the same spot today. He sighs as he sees her. Folding laundry now and looking too domesticated. It’s not right. He nods towards the window and moves out of the way for Baji to see. The other boy gives him an exasperated look but steps into the space and peers in. 

“What the fuck!?”

In the desperation for the truth, to know he’s not seeing things, he’s forgotten that Baji has never been quiet once in his life. 

Baji shoves the window open completely and pulls himself up into it. Haru follows quickly. He got him into this after all…and he needs to know the truth. 

She looks stunned to see them and a little scared which is ridiculous because they were friends. They are friends. “Yo–you can’t be here!” She says, looking around like she’s expecting something to jump out at them. 

“Who the fuck knocked you up?” Baji demands, storming towards her. “Does Shin know? Fuck, course he does. Who was it? Are they still fucking alive or did the dragons kill them?”

Haruchiyo can only stare at her, watching as she looks around, clutching the shirt she’s holding. Her stomach protrudes enough to make it obvious. She’s probably going to be due soon. She’s too fucking tiny to look like this.

“You need to go,” she tells them after taking a deep breath. “Shin-nii doesn’t like visitors. Not anymore.” Something about the endearment, the honorific attached to his name sits like lead in Haruchiyo’s stomach. It’s nothing he hasn’t heard her say a thousand times before, but it somehow feels worse now. 

“We’re not going anywhere until we get some fucking answers,” Baji stands his ground. “Why is everyone saying you ran away? We haven’t seen you in years! Who the fuck knocked you up? You’re fifteen!” 

“Is it Shin?” Haruchiyo asks, finally cutting in. Baji looks at him like he’s insane and ready to take all his anger out on him for the sheer disrespect. 

But then she looks away. She doesn’t protest the idea, doesn’t accuse him of telling lies and her silence is all the confirmation he needs. Baji seems to realize it too because he whirls back on her, staring at her in horror. 

Haruchiyo feels like his world is collapsing around him. 

Shinichiro is supposed to be the good one. The type of brother anyone could rely on. He was the type of person who laughed and nodded when his siblings’ friends called him ‘nii-chan’ and treated all of them like they were his little siblings too. He wasn’t supposed to be like this. Not Shin. 

“What the fuck?” Baji asks again, quieter this time, like he’s having as much trouble believing it as Haruchiyo is. 

“How–” his throat is tight. It feels like something is lodged in it. This is worse than seeing Mikey decrepit and fragile. “How long?” he chokes out. 

“It’s not what you think,” she says quickly. “He…he needs me…”

“You’re fifteen!” Baji snaps. “He’s your fucking brother!” 

She flinches at that. “I...I know. I didn’t…he needs me. We’re the only ones left!” she looks up at them pleadingly, as if trying to get them to understand. 

For the first time in a long time, Baji and Haruchiyo look at each other and agree with each other without a word. “Bullshit.” They say at the exact same time. 

“He does!” she insists. “Everyone’s gone! You don’t get it! We only have each other…we…he needs me. He promised he’d never leave!”

“Not like this,” Baji says. “This isn’t fucking right. Brothers don’t do this shit.”

“How would you know?” She snaps at him. “You don’t have any family.”

Baji scowls at her. “You’re my fucking family! You, Mikey, Emma! All of you!” He motions towards her. “No wonder Emma fucking ran if this was what would have happened if she stayed!” She flinches as he says it. 

Haruchiyo steps closer. “You know this isn’t right,” he says quietly. He thinks of his own younger sister and the hell he’d reach if someone did this to her. He makes a mental note to get her as far away from Takeomi as possible. His brother knows. Even if he’s not doing it himself, the way he warned Haru away makes it obvious that he knows what Shin’s done. “Have you even seen a doctor?”

She swallows tightly, tears building in her eyes as she nods. 

“Come on,” Baji says. “We’re taking you to my place. My mom will know what to do.”

“I can’t,” her voice cracks. 

Haruchiyo leans down, cupping her cheeks with his hands as he meets her eyes. “You can. Trust us.” 

🪟

It takes ten more minutes until she agrees. They take her to Baji’s mom like he said, sneaking around and making sure that none of the Black Dragons see them. They get her out of the city, to Baji’s mom’s relatives, as fast as they can. Baji makes a show of complaining in public about his mom trying to reform him by way of the countryside. Haruchiyo stays far from him, making it look like they’ve continued to be on the outs, to not be friends anymore. Haruchiyo can trust that Baji will protect her.

He takes responsibility for redirecting the Black Dragons, current and former, as well as Shin. Shin who devolves quickly, reacting first with anger only to sink further into his darkness. The man known to be charming enough to bring together opposing gangs can barely bring himself to leave his house, praying for the return of his sister and their unborn child. His friends, the men who followed him, tear the city apart. 

Izana, leader of the Black Dragons, has his men drag Haruchiyo off of the street, demanding answers.

“You know, Shinichiro asked me to make sure you made it through juvie alive,” he tells him. “You asked about him. Why?”

“He picked me up when I got released.” Haruchiyo says, spitting blood out from the last hit. He glares up at the silver-haired man. “He seemed off. I wanted to make sure he was okay.”

“Why?”

“Because I owe him a lot.”

Izana scoffs at him, looking at him like he’s unworthy. “Where the fuck is my sister?”

Haruchiyo looks at him. “She’s not your sister.” He gets a kick to the face for that. 

“She’s Shin’s, that makes her mine.”

Haru wonders what it is about her that’s making these men like this. If it’s Shin’s provocation, if it’s contagious or if it’s just the way she’s always been kind and trying hard to keep her family together that draws people into her. 

He keeps his mouth shut. 

🪟

He hears through Takeomi, through Wakasa, that Shin’s obsession has grown. Not only is Tokyo being torn apart, but Shin has apparently gotten it into his head that the problem is Mikey’s death. That if he can find a way to go back, he can fix everything. He can have his brother back. He can get his sister back and their child. His child. 

It reinforces Haruchiyo’s belief that he’s doing the right thing keeping her out of the city. 

🪟

“Please, Haruchiyo.” 

Shin looks worse for the wear. His shirt is stained, hair unwashed and Haruchiyo thinks he hasn’t bathed in a few days. It’s almost sad seeing a man who was leader of one of the most powerful motorcycle gangs reduced to this. His grief is eating at him but instead of doing something about it, he’s spiralling. 

The only reason he’s talking to him is because Takeomi called, demanding to know what the fuck Haruchiyo did. He’s the prime suspect but even with the fading bruises and threats from Izana, Haruchiyo gave nothing away. Shin apparently clung to that and tracked him down, finding him to beg the boy for answers. Haruchiyo thinks it’s pathetic, even if he’ll never say that out loud. What happened to the man he idolized? 

“Where is she? Where’s my child?”

“I don’t know,” Haruchiyo answers. It’s not technically a lie. He doesn’t know exactly where she is. It’s better that way. 

Shinichiro sighs and looks up to the sky. “This is all my fault.” For a moment, Haruchiyo’s hope rises at the admission. If Shinichiro realizes he fucked up, that there’s something wrong with him, he can get better. He can– “I should have chained her to the bed or some shit.”

His heart sinks. “What?”

Shinichiro shakes his head. “I lost them all. She…she was all I had. If Mikey hadn’t…I thought I found the answer. I really did.” 

Haruchiyo watches in horror as Shinichiro gets closer to the edge of the bridge they met on. “Hey, wait! Stop!”

“We were happy,” he sees tears in the older man’s eyes. “I love her. I always have. No after how fucked up it was. Take care of them for me, alright? Tell my kid..tell them I’m sorry.” 

Haruchiyo stares at him in shock, seconds too late to lunge forward and stop him from falling over the edge. He didn’t want this. Never this. “SHINICHIRO!” 

🪟

Haruchiyo never thought he was insane, despite what people said about him. He always knew exactly what he was doing. But the moment he went from being glared at by a majority of people at Shinichiro’s funeral to being at home with a different series of memories in his head, he thought he finally cracked. 

But there are scars on his face that he never had before. 

Haruchiyo races, trying to find the truth. He heads for the Sano home as fast as he can and nearly crashes into Shinichiro headfirst. If Haruchiyo is confused then Shinichiro is just as surprised to know that Haruchiyo remembers everything. No one else does. 

He thinks that’s the end of it. Shinichiro is alive. Mikey is alive. Emma hasn’t run away and the last Sano isn’t pregnant with her own brother’s baby. There is a relief that settles in his chest at the fact that everything is fixed. Shinichiro fixed it.

But then he sees the way Shin looks at his sister when he thinks anyone isn’t paying attention and Haruchiyo is forced to face the reality that this Shinichiro still loves her in every fucked up way imaginable. When he stares too long at her stomach, Haruchiyo wonders if he’s imagining the baby that he put there. That he left behind.

He can see the obsession in the man’s eyes, the guilt and the way he holds her too long when she hugs him. Haruchiyo stays around the Sanos more now and he would bet all the money he doesn’t have that Shinichiro has to force himself not to send him away. That would gain questions because Haruchiyo has always been welcome. Everyone has.

Then, out of nowhere, Shinichiro is killed. 

An accident that Haruchiyo doesn’t really believe because who doesn’t know that SS Motors is Shin’s? Wouldn’t Mikey have taken his friends there? Guilt eats at him for the relief he feels. Haruchiyo doesn’t have to protect her from her own brother now that he’s dead. 

He promised to keep her safe. Even if he didn’t get the chance to respond, the nightmares he has of Shinichiro falling off that bridge, of Mikey’s expression as he ripped apart his mouth and told him to laugh. It keeps him awake sometimes. Mikey never used to be like that. He knows that. Something changed. It’s the same feeling that led him to discover Shin’s secret, so he stays by the Sanos, stays at Mikey’s side, and watches.

Just because Shin is dead doesn’t mean shit. Not when Haruchiyo remembers the way Izana threatened him at Shinichiro’s funeral the first time, promising him that he’d find her and raise Shin’s kid as his own. Nor with the way he sees Mikey starting to spiral after Shin’s death and the way her and Emma are stepping up to take care of him. The way he clings to them, to her, like they’re the only thing keeping him standing. 

He doesn’t trust the Sano men. Not with her. 

He stays. He changes his last name to Sanzu, to get as far as fuck away from his own brother he still sees as complicit even if he never was in this timeline. He keeps in touch with his own younger sister, keeping Senju away from their own brother and using her to keep track of the Sano girls as he remains at Mikey’s side. He couldn’t save her from Shinichiro, but he can try from Mikey. From Izana. 

He made a promise. 

tr tag: @mitsuwuyaa @blackfire2013 @bleach-your-panties @reiners-milkbiddies

I’m not tagging anyone else lol

[lewkwoodnco]

Okay I’m just so proud of this edit I just havee to talk abt some of the scene choices hehe🙈🙈

Mon, pine - ngl i completely forgot this scene existed until I randomly stumbled upon it while looking for some other screencaps and thank god I did cuz it fits SO WELL??? Lucy’s possessed by Annabel who’s talking abt someone else obviously but just LOOK at Lockwood’s face half of him wants to snap Lucy out of it/make sure she stays safe and the other half is just mesmerised by the sight of her looking at him like that. And the dialogue??? YOU LOVE ME, DONT YOU????? And he so obviously does but can’t say it/ is too scared to and it’s frightening to see lucy like this but he can’t look away he’s drinking in the sight like a man starved 😭 just the juxtaposition of lovkwood’s pining and the cheekily on-the-nose ‘you love me don’t you’ line creates this delicious tension ARGH the writers were sick SICKKK for this

Tue, long - as soon as he first laid eyes on lucy it’s like he can’t help but let his gaze linger over her and even though she’s the candidate being interviewed the way he tries to impress her as he gives her the tour (the basement training area, the ‘high security’ storage room, her room in the attic) it’s like you can tell he’s already desperately hoping that she’ll join as if he’s longing for company like hers

Wed, ache - love is nothing if not pain like other than the obvious physical pain of being in such close proximity to a flare explosion etc bro is HURTING with regret for putting her (and george) in danger just cuz he insisted they take the case and now they’re in so deep and its all his fault but also he just wanted to fix the 62 sheen road fallout keep his agency open (it’s almost like he wants to prove to her that he/lockwood and co. is worth sticking with) but it’s all gone so wrong and he’s just drowningggg in physical and mental anguish only love can hurt/ACHE like this frfr

Thu, sigh - but at the end of the day lockwood is still a 16 ish year old boy who sucks at expressing his innermost feelings and doesn’t know how to deal with jealousy in any way other than being moody about it/suppressing it and this scene is like yea these are kids fighting ghosts night after night but for five minutes they get to be regular angsty teenagers and have the air between them hang heavy with unspoken words and it’s all so dumb and frustrating but also they’re teenagers what ELSE are they going to do HHHHHHH like look at his face!!! bro is befuddled. dumbfounded. bamboozled even. (what do you mean you’re going out with Kipps i thought we’ve been playing house tgt what)

Fri, lament - as funny as this scene is it’s oddly sweet how he’s ranting so openly to Lucy and like the way she tries to reason with him (he probably signed the same NDA we did) and he STILL stomps around throwing a fit aurgghh it’s so adorable just kiss already

Sat, crave - just look at him. bro is down bad for every single part of lucy it’s like he can’t get enough of her, he’s not even hiding it here like look at him watch her like she’s the most precious thing in the world ughhh

Sun, yearn - ooh this scene is like the breaking point of all the accumulated hidden feelings and thoughts between them and he’s messed up so badly atp even lucy is properly pissed (where’s that incorrect quote - my girl is mad at me I am going to KILL myself) but he’s just too paralysed by 16-year-old-boy syndrome to respond to her (tho he finally gets his head on somewhat right in the next scene) so he just stares at her and takes the scolding wondering how things got this bad when all he had done was care and love and yearn for Lucy (can’t you see his heart clawing out of his chest to get to her)

Also I think it’s so hilarious that in the scene in the top gif he’s talking to lucy aka the very person that has him BOOKED AND BUSY with longing 😭😭

a week in the life of London's youngest agency head (insp.)

[deanvhs]

cruising — dean winchester

content / you and dean get in a fight when she starts getting angry for no reason.

warnings / transfem!dean winchester, internalised homophobia, John hates his kids, angst, implied smut.

“C’mon, De.” You frown, moving closer on the bed. Sam was out getting dinner so you and Dean had the motel room all to yourselves. You even kissed Sam’s cheek goodbye to ask him if he can take Baby out for a few spins. Thankfully he agreed, but now Dean’s rejecting your advances. Since when?

“No! I already told you, the walls are too damn thin in here.” Your patience is running thin. Seriously since when does the infamous Dean Winchester care about the staff knocking your door? Or some angry neighbors? Dean once fucked you in the Imapala on a highway, you’re not sure that’s the real reason.

“You’re lying to me, honey.” Her face visibly softens at your words but she stands up anyways, taking off her jacket. You’d all got back from the successful hunt hours ago and showered but somehow Dean had wrapped herself in Sam’s jacket the second she came out of the shower. It was confusing now that she’s taking it off. This whole thing was confusing. 

“Dean, look, I’m not pressuring you or anything, but you’re lying to me. You love post-hunt sex. You’re the one who always initiates it too so I thought I’d give you a surprise, you know? But if it isn’t what you want, I understand—”

“It’s not like that!” You’re waiting for her to elaborate and when she doesn’t, you sigh. Great, you’re both getting nowhere in this conversation. “I’m going out.” She mumbles before walking out of the motel room and slamming the door behind her. 

Another very stable, very productive conversation in the Winchester household. You tie your hair back and put a coat on before running out after her. Baby isn’t anywhere near here so the only other place she’d be is the vending machine. It’s kind of like trying to find a twelve year old in an arcade. 

There she is, in all her glory, frowning at the vending machine like it’s personally offended her (you’re sure all it did was its job, but oh well). “Hey, Dee.” You sigh into the space between you when you’re close enough to touch her biceps, interlocking your arm in hers. ”you okay?”

“‘M fuckin’ peachy.”

“What you are is mean.” You scoff, but it’s only half hearted. You want to help her, not blame her. “And you’re also a big liar who won’t tell me what’s wrong so I can make it better.”

“You’re not my damn guardian, you don’t need to know—”

“Please, Dean.” You exhale, tired. “Just humor me.”

She seems to have finally given up on her quest to be unbearing. “Whatever. You just— I don’t want to have sex, okay?”

“Totally understandable, can I know why? I won’t try to change your mind, I would just like to know the reason.”

She rolls her eyes, hits the vending machine one more time so a chocolate bar drops down along with your favorite juice box. When you’re twenty something, you learn to enjoy the finer things in life like juice boxes and chocolates rather than beer and whatever the hell else.

She leans down to grab them, hands you yours. You thank her with a kiss on her arm. “Baby.” It comes out like a plea more than a warning. 

“You do this thing.” She mumbles, looking down at her chocolate bar to open it. Your heart clenched before she could even keep going, an ugly emotion tugging on your chest. You do this thing? 

Sure, you’re new to the whole relationship thing as a hunter and especially with Dean. Dean’s… not what you expected at all when you first saw her. You didn’t even know she was a her until very very later on. Even Sam found out later than you. She somehow feels like she doesn’t deserve to be called that, like her dad would kill her and if he wouldn’t approve she can’t possibly do it behind his back. 

But John can go fuck himself for all you care (he’s dead anyways so it isn’t like he can object), you love Dean. She deserves everything in this world and the next— she fucking died for her brother, it’s unreal that she would think she doesn’t deserve the simple act of being who she truly is.

“Hey? Hey, you with me? Sweetheart?” You focus back on Dean with a small pout you didn’t notice was on your face till now. “Where’d you go?”

“Sorry. What were you saying?”

“Oh, uh, you just say this thing— you call me something and I don’t know, just don’t think—”

“Dean, if I have ever made you uncomfortable during sex you have to tell me. I can’t believe you’d ever keep that from me.” Dean’s a pretty soft lover, you’d learned quickly, while she does enjoy to get with every woman she laid eyes on before she had you, she isn’t rough with them, she’ll make sure they’re ready first, very giving, and take her time. 

You can’t possibly think of anything you’d do to make her not want to sleep with you… you’re pretty sure you’re the first person in her life she’s ever been fully transparent with and you thought that’s a good thing, you thought you handled it pretty well, but maybe you were wrong.

She clears her throat, still not looking you in the eye, the wrappers off the chocolate but it’s clear she’s using it as a distraction, “you, uh, call me stuff. Stuff like, i don't know, pretty girl or whatever.”

Oh.

“Oh. I’m—” God, you feel like an idiot. A stupid fucking idiot for ever assuming she’d be okay with pet names. She’s just as new to this as you are, you’re the first person she’s ever expressed herself with and you’re ruining it for her. You need air. Even if you’re outside— fuck. “Dean, I’m sorry, I had no idea you didn’t like it and you should’ve told me the first time!” Though, you’d only slept together a handful of times since she’s come out to you, “I don’t ever want to make you uncomfortable and I’m so sorry I did—”

Her face contorts as she shakes her head, waving her hand around, “‘s fine.” She dismisses and you can practically feel how red your cheeks are with shame. So fucking stupid. For embarrassing her. For making the one thing she always made sure was comfortable for you, unenjoyable for her. Dean won’t die without sex but she fucking loves it and, you ruined it for her. 

“Sorry, Dean.” You mutter again before turning around and running back to your room. This is all— way too much, is what is it. You can’t think properly with her standing right in front of you not looking you in the fucking eyes. She’s the Dean Winchester. Forget the sexy reputation, what about the hunter one?  She’s never acted like this before and now it’s because of you. 

She trusted you with the most important thing in her life, her identity, and you—

A loud, aggressive knock sounds on the door and your hand instantly hovers over your gun. It happens one more time before you have it aimed at the door, waiting for the intruder to come in, drying the tears that were welling up in your eyes. “Come in!”

“I would, don’t have the key though.” 

Oh, it’s Dean. You put the weapon back where it belongs (though you keep a hand on it in case you need it) before opening the door. “Hey, sweetheart.” She says sweetly, her smile kind of watery. Is that because of you too? Great. You’re doing real well in the girlfriend department.

“Hi, sorry, I totally forgot I had it.” 

“‘S fine, don’t worry about it.” She shuts the door behind her, her back against the wood as she looks down on you. You’re about to pull away from the whole interaction, say you’re tired or something, before she pulls you back in, both hands on your waist. “Hey, c’mon, it’s okay, we’re okay, right?”

“Yeah, I didn’t, didn’t mean to make you think we weren’t. I’m just— disappointed in myself, I guess. And sad. You should’ve told me, I’ve said it a hundred time since you first came out and I didn’t even think of how it would affect you. You know how much I love calling you different things and I don’t know, I guess it slipped out and it was so selfish—”

“I love it.”

“What?”

“The names? Love them. All of them. Every single thing you call me makes me stop breathin’ for a second ‘cause I can’t believe how goddamn lucky I am to have you.” You're breathing’s not supposed to be this fast, right? “It makes me… God, makes me crazy thinkin’ of you saying those words but I can’t, sweetheart, okay? As much as I love ‘em, they’re not— me. They’re not who I am.”

“Because you don’t feel like that’s who you are or because of the whole ‘you don’t deserve’ them thing because I’m telling you now, if it’s the second one, I’m going to be really mad at you.” When she doesn’t respond, tightens her lips, you frown. “Dean, seriously?”

“Look—”

You don’t let her get the words in before you’re crashing your lips onto hers, your hands running through her hair while she kisses you back just as passionately, just as hard and wanting. She pushes off the door to slam you into it so she’s more in control, like she always is. “Dee,” you whisper into her lips and she pulls back with an urgent nod, all signs of hesitation erased from her eyes. “I love you.”

And maybe it’s the wrong thing to say, she’s not usually the type of girl and you know that, but she has to hear it. Has to hear it from you. “Love you so so much, dee. You know that, right?” She nods quickly like she wants the conversation to be over so she attaches her lips back onto yours before you pull away again.

“So tonight’s ‘bout you, pretty girl.” Her breath hitches and you see her eyebrows furrow ever so slightly as you stand on your toes to kiss between them. “Baby, I’m not gonna let you keep thinking that crap. No one on earth deserves this more than you, okay? And if you feel uncomfortable, or you change your mind, sure, we’ll stop, but it sure as hell won’t be because of your screwed up perception of yourself.”

She nods, almost mezmorized and leans back in. Her soft lips against yours, so fucking beautiful and the way her fingers work delicately to remove your shirt, succeeding as she moves on to the bra straps. Despite the same hands hunting monsters and sometimes the devil himself, she’s so patient and soft with you, her little moans as your hand moves down to graze her clothes cock, her green orbs flashing you when she opens her eyes to tell you ‘bed’ as if you didn’t just say that you’re in change tonight.

Technically, you did say it’s about her, and if the way she likes it is by being in control, you don’t mind givin’ it to her one bit. As long as you get to praise her all the way through it. 

She kisses down your neck, biting down a little on your sensitive areas, earning moans that make you arch your back, mostly try for some friction. She smiles against your skin, moving further down till she gets to your bra, removes it completely and latches onto your nipple, “fuck, dee, yes. so pretty, so gorgeous for me, makin’ me feel good, ah!” She takes your other one between her fingers and you can’t help the sounds escaping you. She pulls away to tsk. 

“Keep quiet, sweetheart. Wasn’t jokin’ about those thin walls.” Unfortunately for you, by thin she means you can hear the teenage boy and his parents talking through the wall right behind you. So, it’s practically a closet door between the two rooms but you couldn’t care less. And she seems to only care to shut you up with her mouth.

Except she doesn’t. She comes back up, your skin itching with her sudden withdrawal. Before you can protest she has her thumb sit king your lips, “now, sweetheart, what’d I say?” 

“I need to be quiet.” She smirks down at you, nodding, waiting for you to continue, “‘nd I wasn’t quiet.”

“Mm,” she brushes her thumb against your lips one more time before she slips it past them, your teeth grazing it before she lays it flat on your tongue and your first instinct is to bring your hands up to her wrist, wrapping around it to keep her in place, and sucking. “Fuck, baby.”

She groans, leaning down to press a quick kiss to your forehead then going back to your neck, pulling all kinds of pretty moans. 

+

Needless to say, the night turns out great, no thanks to her communication skills. And you tell her as much when you’re both relaxing on the bed after, you’re still catching your breath in her arms and she’s smiling down at you, plants one last kiss to your hair.

“You know this could’ve all been easily avoided if we’d just talked, right?” She huffs from above you and it’s quite painfully the most obvious reaction she’s ever had. Dean’s angry. Maybe not at this exact moment, and not burning red, but she is. She’s not comfortable in her own skin most of the time and it’s no longer because she hasn’t come out, it’s because she did. 

She did, she has people who love and support her and she can’t stand that. She thought the second she came out with you and her brother would flee the country and maybe boo at her, but the fact that you both stayed eats at her more than she’d ever admit— she feels like a fraud. A failure as an older sister— older brother. 

And what’s worse is that she knows she’s as transparent as glass with you, that you’re reading her every thought right now without even looking her in the face. “Dean, c’mon, honey, you can’t keep thinkin’ like this— or I mean, technically you can, free will and all, but I’d rather you not.” You don’t repeat the three words you want to so desperately say, you know she’s reached her quota on chick-flicks. “I’m gonna keep calling you these names because you like them. And because they make you feel like yourself and I simply do not care what you say after that.”

She has nothing to say anyways, just closes her eyes and rests her head on yours, hoping you’ll still be there in the morning.

difference for me between calling transfem Sam and Dean pretty girl and them freaking out is that Sam (as always) is self deprecating and doesn’t feel like she deserves that. She doesn’t feel pretty and she doesn’t feel like she deserves having someone she loves lying to her. For dean, although she’s pretty self deprecating herself, it’s mostly about John. Like most of where her trauma stems from, she can’t understand why the person she loves would ever say that to her knowing it’s not right and it’s unclean to be anything other than the biggest guy in the room. And sure she came out, and shes comfortable with you and Sam and maybe she’ll even tell cas one day, but she values her reputation above all because that’s what John taught her. Thanks for listening  to my Ted talk, please buy a cookie on your way out!!!

[secretswiftymarvelfan]

The Demigod On Earth - Steve Rogers x Reader (Love and Thunder)

Summary: Thor pays you a visit and your family expands by one.

Word Count: 1.8k

Warnings: Light Angst! Mention of Character Death! Talk of Cancer Thor: Love and Thunder Spoilers!

Dividers by @firefly-graphics

Masterlist / Main Masterlist

Love and Thunder

Summer was probably one of your favourite times of the year, especially now that you had less work over the summer vacation and more time to spend with JJ. Today Steve also had the day off from work so the three of you had decided to spend a day at the pool. 

You were just about to leave when a spaceship of all things landed on your front lawn. 

“Were we expecting any visitors today?” Steve muttered quietly to you. 

“Not that I’m aware of” you muttered back, you didn’t even recognise the ship. 

The door to the ship finally opened and you had your answer “Uncle Thor!” JJ exclaimed running off towards his uncle before you had a chance to stop him. 

“JJ careful!” Steve shouted after him before furrowing his brows “Who’s the girl?”

“Huh?” you hummed before spotting the little girl who looked to be a similar age to Thor walking off the ship behind him. 

“Little man you’ve gotten so big!” Thor boomed as he lifted JJ up. 

“Thor, I didn’t realise you were visiting today. Who’s your little friend?” you asked as you and Steve walked over to him. 

“I did send a raven, did you not get it?” Thor frowned.

“Not a raven no… did you send an email?” Steve answered. 

“No, ravens are more reliable and faster,” Thor said shaking his head “Anyway this is my daughter”

You choked on some air “Daughter?”

“Yes, I adopted her just a couple of weeks ago and thought we’d visit for your birthday” Thor explained nodding over to Steve.

“My birthday was two weeks ago” Steve pointed out.

“Oh my apologies, it’s been an eventful couple of weeks,” Thor said with a visible gulp, his voice breaking slightly. 

You instantly picked up that something was wrong and this visit was more than just introducing you to your niece “Um Steve why don’t you take the kids out to the backyard i think me and Thor have some catching up to do” you said putting a hand on Steve’s shoulder.

“But what about the pool?” JJ pouted. 

“We’ll go later or tomorrow, why don’t you show your cousin all the tricks you’ve taught Scout?” you suggested.

JJ’s face instantly lights up “Ooh yes c’mon!” he said gesturing to the girl to follow him. The two kids hurried to the front door, Steve following closely behind. 

“Remember no lasers Love!” Thor called out as she went, making Steve look back over his shoulder in shock. 

You gave him a reassuring smile and thumbs up “We’ll keep watch from the kitchen” you told him before returning your attention back to Thor “I’m sorry I just realised I didn’t catch her name”

Thor furrows his brows in confusion “I just said it, It’s Love”

“Right my mistake” you muttered “Why don’t we go get a drink and you can tell me more about my new niece” You patted him on the shoulder and guided him inside. 

Thor followed you inside and to the kitchen. You paused by the kitchen window looking out to quickly check on the kids and Steve outside, no laxer burns anywhere yet which was good. 

“Do you want a drink or anything?” you asked turning back around to face Thor. 

He shook his head and took a deep breath “Have you spoken much to Jane recently?” he asked.

You furrowed your brows at his question, unsure of the relevance “Oh um, no not really” you said shaking your head as you moved to sit down at the kitchen island “Not through lack of trying, I reached out a couple of times but assumed she was busy, why’d you ask? I know you guys haven’t been together since before the snap”

“Ah right well um we haven't but we crossed paths back in New Asgard” Thor explained clearing his throat as he shifted from one foot to the other.

“New Asgard? What was she doing there? Research?” 

“She was looking for this” Thor answers holding out his hand, to your surprise instead of Stormbreaker appearing, Mjolnir did instead. 

Your jaw dropped as you looked at the hammer, you could see the cracks from where Hela had destroyed it yet it had been fused back together “I-I don’t understand I thought it had been destroyed” you muttered in disbelief. 

“Me too, but turns out I put an enchantment on it to protect Jane so when she touched it, it healed itself and her” Thor explained.

“Her? What was wrong with Jane?” you asked shaking your head. 

“She had terminal cancer” Thor sighed, swallowing thickly as he looked down.

“Oh gods that’s awful, it’s a good th-” you started before your brain caught up. Thor had used the past tense, he had the hammer with him now and his demeanour didn’t convey happiness that she’d been cured “Wait… you said had” you said voice becoming thicker “What-”

“She passed” Thor answered without you needing to finish your question.

If you hadn’t already been sitting, you would have needed to because you felt yourself deflate at the news “shit… I– I- Thor I’m so sorry” you muttered.

Thor gave you a small nod before letting out a shaky sigh “Yeah- um I’ve changed my mind, you don’t happen to have any ale do you” he asked weakly.

“No, and you know that would be a bad idea anyway,” you told him with a sympathetic sigh, you didn’t have alcohol in the house full stop, with you pregnant and Steve’s hiccup with Asgardian liquor during the snap you only got it in for special occasions and in small quantities “come sit down and tell me everything” 

Thor sat down with a heavy sigh but to your relief told you everything that had happened the past couple of weeks. You tried your hardest to hold back your tears as he told you everything but with the hormones, it was a losing battle. 

“I’m so sorry you went through all that Thor, you did all the right things though and I know as hard as it is to hear it but Jane is in a better place now, she won’t be suffering anymore,” you told him softly, resting your hand on top of his.

Thor nodded “She’s in Valhalla now”

“Exactly, but please reach out more if you need me, I don’t want you to go back to that dark place” you said. 

“I won’t I promise, having Love… it’s something to focus on, a light in the darkness” Thor told you making you smile softly. You knew that Steve had felt the same about JJ when you were gone. 

“She is, and if you ever need us we’re here” you promised him. 

“Thank you sister” Thor smiled. 

The backdoor opened and the two kids ran back in, Steve following close behind with an apologetic look on his face. 

“Mom, is it time to go to the pool yet?” JJ asked as he came to a stop next to you. 

“Yes sorry, we’ll just need to get Love a swimming costume on the way” you told him.

“Yes! C’mon” JJ said getting Love to follow him, Thor went with them leaving you and Steve in the kitchen. 

“You okay?” Steve asked putting his hand on the small of your back as you stood.

You took a shaky breath and nodded your head, “yeah” you said your voice breaking, it wasn’t true and Steve definitely knew that but you just weren’t ready to talk about it.

The rest of the day at the pool Steve periodically checked in on you. You stayed out of the pool on the sunloungers with your book which Steve could tell you hadn’t actually read a single page of. Whenever he looked over to you from the pool you were either looking off into the distance or watching the kids play with a sad look on your face. 

He wanted to know what it was that Thor had told you that made you so upset but he wasn’t going to push you. You clearly needed some processing time and he wasn’t going to ask Thor either.

That evening after saying goodbye to Thor and Love and putting JJ in bed, Steve found you in bed curled up as best as you could on your side. Steve climbed into bed next to you, wrapped his arm around you and pulled you gently into his side. You rested your head against his chest and started sniffling.

“You ready to talk about it?” he asked softly.

You sniffled and wiped away your tears “Jane died” you whispered.

“Oh,” Steve muttered, his shoulder dropping.

He didn’t know Jane as well as you but knowing she was gone was hard to hear. He knew the two of you were pretty close following your fight against the dark elves even if you fell out of contact throughout the years.

“Turns out she had terminal cancer, I just can’t believe I didn’t know, that I couldn’t be there for her,” you said shaking your head. 

“I’m sorry sweetheart, I know you would have done everything you could of, did Thor know?” Steve asked as he rubbed your back soothingly. 

“Not until just before,” you said before recounting everything that Thor had told you.

“Well as hard as it is to hear it seems like she didn’t want people to know and we have to respect that decision even if it hurts” Steve sighed as he held you close. 

“I know I just wish I had reached out more” you sighed as you snuggled further into him. 

“I understand, when people die it makes the people that are less behind regret all the things they didn’t do” Steve sighed “I regretted not telling you that I loved you more, I regretted everything that happened with the accords and that we couldn’t move into this house when I originally planned, I’m just glad I’m getting a second chance”

You smiled softly up at him “I love you too, every day for the rest of our lives” you whispered.

“I love you too” he smiled as he kissed you softly “And when we get an opportunity we can go visit and say goodbye” Steve suggested.

You smiled and nodded your head “It might have to wait until this one comes along but I’d like that” you said running your hands over your bump. 

“Sounds like a plan” Steve smiled. 

The two of you relaxed together, Steve grateful to feel you relaxing in his arms. He replayed the day in his mind unable to quite comprehend everything that had changed in less than 24hr. He had a niece now, something he didn’t think would ever happen. 

“I know we’re supposed to love family…” Steve started “But love is terrifying” he said making you burst out laughing. He smiled and laughed along with you, glad to see you smiling again. 

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Masterlist / Masterlist

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[tiny-huts]

If Leylas Kryn has a million fans then I am one of them. If Leylas has ten fans I am one of them. If she has one fan that is me. If she has no fans then that means I am no longer on earth. If the world is against her then I am against the world

[atangledfate]

All Sonic could see in that moment was red, and that anger was bubbling up like geyser ready to blow. He didn't have much in this world that he cared for, and he knew Amy was a tough girl. But seeing her like that just flipped a switch for him. Maybe it was that curse that linked him to her, or maybe was just his own protective nature as a guardian of his world. He didn't know but he'd never felt such a desire to put someone in the ground. Even despite the fact that he was hyper aware Surge was trying to prevent him from making a huge mistake. It didn't really register completely.

He grit his teeth and leaned in close to Surge and was seconds from speaking, telling her where she could shove her worries. If she knew Abe like he did, if she had any idea of all the awful things he was party to. She'd have wanted to put him in the ground to. GUN drove Gerald mad, tossed shadow in a damn stasis pod, killed maria in cold blood and so much more! there was alot they would never atone for in Sonic's eyes---all of this was just another drop in the bucket.

" Talkin' ain't ever gonna be GUN's language! I am so sick of tryin' to talk with those people! they only language they get is force, so i'm just gonna speak there language!?! "

He had no qualms busting Surge's face wide open to get to them either! Luckily Tails voice was perhaps the one he needed to hear most, mostly because of how close they were. But despite that it didn't make him less angry, it just made him bury it again and hide away like he always did. When he thought about it, he was kind of a coward wasnt he? always hiding, always tucking his tail and running from all that pent up aggression.

Surge could see his hostility ebb away, it was likely the first time she'd seen him so worked up. Yes he did care for Amy, like he cared for Tails, and anyone who threatened them was on his shit list!

" ... Mark my words, they ain't here to talk Surge... those bastards are a bunch of child killin' life ruinin' sacks of absolute shit. I'll play nice... but the moment i find out Abe was behind Amy's attack... the gloves are off... i ain't puttin' that to the side. You'd do the same if it was Kit... "

He looked away from her to the airship that was just within sight of them now.

" They ain't here to help... you an i both know it... this is gonna be us vs them... i'll wait... and i keep my promises. So you can relax... "

He was still very obviously pissed off, and only holding back for the time being. One wrong move by GUN was likely to set his ass off. But he knew if GUN had his way they'd lock them both up for sure. His eyes went to Surge though and narrowed as he realized something important and, as he needed some way to direct his anger he snapped at her instead.

" and YOU need to tell him the damn truth! because i sure as fuck ain't gonna explain it to him. Do you think for a moment he'd listen to me or tails anyway? You need to tell him, and soon..."

===============================================

Tails wasn't sure if it was Belle in control or an auto pilot in truth it was hard to tell. But he was pretty impressed by the over all craftsmanship of the bot. It was impressive and showed how far she'd come! He was always impressed by her work, and it was proof in his mind that Eggman's bots could do good given the right program and incentive.

" And who do you think designed the artificial Chaos? Doctor Gerald Robotnik... Eggman's grandfather. Lots of Eggman's technology was inspired by Gerald, even if Gerald's intentions were pure... alot of his tech was turned into weapons for GUN or worse... locked up for being to dangerous. But i guess you know more about it then i do... just hard not to see the similarities "

Tails had been working the entire time he was talking. He connected the satellite to the Belle Bot which gave her access to the eye in the sky. This also allowed her to interface with the restoration com network fully, and reconnect the broken bits from the EMP with the satellites network.

" I got it, i do hope Belle doesn't mind me using the belle Bot as a relay... but, that should reconnect Restoration communications. Also you should be able to use the belle bot's signal to connect to the satellite using it as a proxy. That should limit any risk to your own equipment... "

Not that there was any risk to begin with, but he hoped it quelled Kit's paranoia.

" I... know i probably shouldn't even say anything. But... I'm Sorry you know, for everything that's happened... Deep down i guess i just want to find some middle ground for you and I... I just want us to be able to talk ... work this all out somehow. "

He sighed and gave Kit a side glance with one of his ears falling over

" When this is over... do you think... we can talk? Not asking for anything else... just a chance for us to talk, "

Surge scowls at Sonic, her lightning changing dark red as her strength seemed to double, maybe even more as she held him in place. The tenrec then punched the wall right next to the hedgehog's head, easily cracking it deeply which traveled high up the wall. "Yeah, because you look like in such a talkative mood right now. Don't try to play me for a fucking fool. I know everything about you, remember?" A face the speedster still hated, though it was the truth.

"Don't think I've been sitting on my ass all this time with The Restoration. I've been training and have a bunch of new skills so if you think you can just fight me off easily then you're dead wrong." Surge figured a long time ago Sonic never took their first fights too seriously, attempting to talk her down. Things were different this time around with abilities she's unlocked.

Surge ear twitches hearing Tails on the intercom attempting to talk Sonic down as well. "You also promised me something, and I expect you to keep it. Can't do that if you get thrown in a GUN cell with me." The tenrec was sure she wouldn't be getting your average cell, though not the time to think about that.

Surge finally let Sonic go, hoping he had calmed down enough to not sprint off again. "You want to thrash whoever is behind this after, then fine. Though I'm not failing him again, and I'm not letting you fail him. Is that clear?" The only person she trusted with that was Sonic by this point, and wasn't going to have him fuck that up. "And if you do fail him then I'm going to break every fucking bone in your body."

===========================================================

"Belle isn't controlling Belle Bot right now. It's most likely just running off basic functions as it's still in the early stages. That said, it is combat ready so if need be it'll go into on the offensive and I don't think GUN will have a fun time." Kitsunami was sure it could tear through several GUN squads without slowing down if need be.

"No, Starline was completely obsessive with only using Eggtech for my hydro-pack even when there were moments where getting GUN tech would've made it easier than rebuilding parts from Eggtech scraps." Even to the bitter end Starline was obsessed with Eggman. "Though I've since upgraded to be all custom parts working out and Eggtech. I also stayed away from GUN tech." Not worth the risk of them realizing he had stolen some of their tech.

"Try to hook up the coms to something portable so we can hurry on to my room. As much as I'd prefer to do this on my own I have no clue about GUN firewalls. Don't get the wrong idea, this is just to help Surge as best as I can." Kitsunami still seemed more worried about helping Surge than anything else, despite Starline being gone for so long.

[pinkfey]

i may be obsessed.